Baltimore Evening Sun (3 November 1913): 6.
The larger Baltimore bulges, the more admirers there will be for Col. Jacobus Hook, the most popular tax-gatherer since Levi.
A DAILY THOUGHT.
Of what use is freedom of thought, if it will not produce freedom of action?–Dean Swift.
From a circular against the Hon. James Mc. Trippe, signed by the so-called Civil Liberty League, but bearing all the usual marks of the Hon. William H. Anderson’s style:
Mr. Trippe, for example, lives on Eutaw Place, which is protected by the Liquor License Board at the request of men who, like himself and many rich Jews, are most bitterly fighting local option, though they do not want saloons near THEIR homes.
A beautiful specimen of Andersonian misrepresentation and rumble-bumble. The Hon. Jim Trippe lives at 1522 Eutaw Place. Directly opposite, at 1505, is the Phœnix Club, which has a liquor license. Just around the corner, on McMechen street, is the kaif of the Hon. Charles Forbes, with another license. At the corner of Lanvale street is the Altamont Hotel, with a third license. On Madison avenue near North is the beer garden of the late Goldman–a fourth license. All of these places are patronized by the Jews of whom the Hon. Mr. Anderson speaks so scornfully, and all of them hold their licenses with the approval of those Jews.
But what are the facts to a moral campaigner? Less than nothing! The important thing is to stir up the blood-lust of the pious, to set all the shyster preachers to whooping, to inoculate all the old maids, male and female, with the red-hot bacilli of the fan-tods. The mention of Jews is a delicate touch. The difference between an American Puritan and a Russian STate’s Attorney is no more than the difference between tweedledum and tweedledee. Both get their pleasure by putting their fellow-creatures to the torture, and both pursue that exquisite sport in the name of God.
The following letter from Geheimrat Prof. Dr. Turner, Jr., explains itself:
- Put this in good type & readable.
- Nov. 3—13. Dear old pessimistic friend Mencken:
- Some time back you said “Dr. Turner can have all the place he wishes at any time.”
- There are a few things I want to know.
- Why do conductors ask you to step up front, then plant themselves in the centre of the isles?
- Is there one reason why Baltimore should not have the Borough Law passed? Take the Boroughs away from London and Baltimore is larger.
- Here’s a dollar, from a lover of children for the Xmas tree. It will buy a pair of mits.
- Why not thank Mayor Preston for rushing the work for smooth streets? Don’t you appreciate a hustling Mayor?
- Look at his works! Never mind him. Don’t change anything I’ve said. Act square, & tell the truth, when commenting.
- Dr. Turner. 1814 N. Chas.
- Opening chorus: “Hail, Hail, the gang’s all here!” Advanced pupils of the Hon. Sunday-school Field’s Baraca class.
- Male chorus a capella: “Bringing in the Sheaves.” Officers of the Calvert Bank.
- Christmas sermon: “The Damnable Sunpaper.” The Right Rev. Dashing Harry, D. D. Text: “Peace on earth, good will to men.”
- Tear squeezing contest for the Police Gazette diamond belt. Isaac vs. D. Harry.
- Distribution of gifts to the poor children (Dashing Harry Vice Presidential buttons for the boys).
- Clown show by the City Council.
- Oration: ‘The Life and Times of Dashing Harry.” The Hon. Aristides Sophocles Goldsborough, LL. B.
- Chorus: “Oh, You Beautiful Doll!” The Royal Family.
- Address: Col. Jacobus Hook, K. T.
- Entrance of the police and close of the proceedings.
- AN ACT to prevent espionage and blackmail and to regulate private detectives.
- Section 1. Be it enacted by the General Assembly of Maryland, That it shall be unlawful for any person, not a sworn office of the peace, and save as hereinafter excepted, to engage in any act having for its purpose the detection of any other person or persons in a violation of the public general or local laws of Maryland, or to claim or receive any informer’s fee for such detection, or to give aid to any other person, not a sworn officer of the peace in such detection.
- Sec. 2. And be it enacted, That nothing in the preceding section shall be interpreted as contravening the citizen’s right to denounce and prevent felonies or misdemeanors committed in his presence, or sought to be committed in his presence; or felonies or misdemeanors committed within sight or hearing of his home, his place of work or his customary place of worship.
- Sec. 3. And be it enacted, That in the case of duly licensed privavte detectives, nothing in Section 1 shall be interpreted as forbidding them to engage in bona fide investigations for bona fide clients, provided that in every such investigation the felony or misdemeanor committed, or sought to be committed or suspected of being committed, shall be deliberately directed against the client or clients in each case, and shall work or threaten to work him or them personal loss or injury, and shall involve no deliberate provocation, invitation or other volitional act on his or their part.
- Sec. 4. And be it enacted, That the term “sworn officer of the peace” in Section 1 shall be interpreted as meaning only a male person who is engaged continuously in constabulary duty and is paid at least $2 a day therefor out of the public funds, and has no other regular occupation.
- Sec. 5. And be it enacted, That any person convicted of violating this act shall be guilty or a misdemeanor, and shall pay a fine of not less than one hundred dollars ($100) and not more than two hundred dollars ($200), or shall be confined in the Maryland Penitentiary for not less than six months and not more than one year, or both fined and imprisoned as here provided, in the discretion of the court.
- Sec. 6. And be it further enacted, That this act shall take effect form the date of its passage.
And with this letter came the Geheimrat’s check for $1, which check I have handed over to the treasurer of the Christmas fund. Observe the baleful fact: the Geheimrat sends his contribution, not to the Christmas fund of the Hon. Dashing Harry, but to that of the hellish Sunpaper! And worse still, he draws his check upon the Calvert Bank, thus adding insult to injury. Can it be that Harry and the Geheimrat are no longer the friends they used to be? Is there a rift within the graphite lute, a wolftone in the symphony? My spies are on the job, and will report anon.
Don’t forget to vote for the Hon. Stephen C. Little, for Clerk of the Superior Court. The only criticism of the Hon. Mr. Little ever offered in this campaign has been anonymous. The snakes and well-poisoners are against him. Vote for him and against them.
Program of the Hon. Dashing Harry’s Old-Fashioned Christmas celebration for poor children:
The following bill has been prepared by counsel of the first juridic eminence, and will be introduced in the House of Delegates during the coming session of the General Assembly:
Meanwhile, nothing more is heard from the Honorary Pallbearers who were to report on the city’s charities.