Baltimore Evening Sun (30 October 1913): 6.


Advice to the Hon. William H. Anderson: Beware the ides of March!

Col. Jacobus Hook is still against the Anti-Saloon Leaue, still eating eight banquets a night, and still the most popular man in Baltimore.–Adv.

From a political advertisement in this morning’s Hot Towel:


Notice the astounding disproportion between the type used for Isaac’s name and that used for D’Harry’s. Can it be that Isaac prepared this advertisement himself? The mind begins to fill with disquieting suspicions, as the ear is filled with music by Isaac’s yammering. Certainly his magnification was not done in the Towel office, as a routine act of greasing, for, in the first place, the Towel never greases any man, however meritorious he may be, at the expense of the Hon. D’Harry, its one dear love; and in the second place, the advertisement is printed in exactly the same way in this morning’s Sunpaper, which has suffered too much at Isaac’s red, red hands to oil him.

Meanwhile, the problem of the Hons. still seems to give pause to the authors of political announceme nts. In this morning’s Sunpaper, for example, the Hon. Aristides Sophocles Goldsborough, LL. B., editor of the Municipal Journal, is once mentioned as the Hon. and twice as plain A. S. The Towel does even worse: it calls him A. S. twice and the Hon. not at all. The Hon. Blair Lee, appearing four times in the Towel and five times in the Sunpaper, is the Hon. every time. But the Hon. Dashing Harry, appearing twice in each paper, is Hon. but once. The other time he is plain Mayor Preston, even without a Christian name.

The Hon. Sunday-school Field, LL. D., is deprived of his Hon. by both Towel and Sunpaper--the result, one recalls, of a foul conspiracy by the Hon. George A. Frick, editor of the Democratic Telegram. But retribution now sits the corpse of the Hon. Mr. Frick: he loses his Hon. himself. Both the Towel and the Sunpaper refer to him as plain George A. Frick, without even a Mr. or an Ees. To ease his melancholy. This is obviously aa case of studied insult, for the Hon. Mr. Frick is a bachelor and a journalist, and both bachelors and journalists are entitled to the Hon. For example, the Hon. William Shepard Bryan, Jr. For example, the Hon. E. Milton Altfeld.

The Sunpaper devotes more than a column this morning to speculation as to the composition of the mysterious Civil Liberty League, which has been flooding the newspapers with attacks upon the Hon. Blair Lee. It is a pleasure to favor the Sunpaper with a full and accurate list of its officers and members, obtained by my spies by plying one of them with liquor:

President–The Hon. Tom Parran. Secretary–The Hon. John B. Hanns. Treasurer–The Hon. Young Cochran. Attorney–The Hon. J. Bibb Mills. Chaplain--The Hon. John Roach Straton, DD., ret. Headquarters Committee--The above and Hon. Charles Levister. Members--The above and the Hen. J. Booker Clift.

The Hon. William H. Anderson, as will be seen, has no official connection with the league, and is not a member. However, he has given it the privilege, entirely without charge, of rescuing from his waste basket the by-products of his feverod meditations.

Vote for the Hon. Stephen C. Little! Weep with Dr. Goldsborough! Boil your drinking water!

Political note from the estimable Sunpaper of yesterday:

State Senator Blair Lee’s candidacy for the United States Senate is said to be under a quiet attack by certain Christian Scientists because of his vote in 1908 for the bill prohibiting practitioners of that church from accepting fees unless they have passed the State medical examination.

The Maryland Anti-Vivisection Society has also declared against him, on the ground, so I hear, that he strangled a mad dog in the year 1879. He is also opposed by the Pentz Society through the influence of the Hon. Eugene Levering, who is a prohibitionist, and the Hon. Charles J. Bonaparte, LL. D., boss of the Sulzer party in Maryland. Thus the full roster of his opponents:

The Anti-Saloon League. The Civil Liberty League. The Maryland Anti-Vivisection Society. The Pentz Society. The Just Government League. The Men’s League for Woman Suffrage. The League for Medical Freedom, Maryland Branch. The Christian Science Healers’ Union. The Union League. The Sulzer party. The Prohibition party. The Lord’s Day Alliance.

But is there no voice raised in his favor? There is–and not one, but many. Herewith a partial list of his advocates:

The Medical and Chirurgical Faculty. The Maryland Sunday-school Association.* The Concord Club. The Association Opposed to Woman Suffrage. The Saturday Night Club. The Germania Mannerchor. The Baltimore Medical Society. The Democratic Club. The Arbeiter Liedertafel. The Third Ward Democratic Club. The Liederkranz. The Arion Gesang-Verein. The Mozart Permanent Building Association. The State Anatomical Board. The Brotherhood of St. Luke. The Eureka Athletic and Social Club. The Maryland Academy of Science. The O’Keil Association. The Kriegerbund. The Eighteenth Ward Democratic Club. The Flint Club.

Thus the score is 22 to 12, with four innings yet to play. Don’t worry about the Hon Blair Lee. He will triumph over the boozehounds and the suffragettes, the zoölaters and the Eddyites, the Sulzers and the Bonapartes, the scribes and the Pharisees.

Soon or late, beloved, you will be stung for jury service. And when you are stung, your comfort during the ensuing three weeks will depend chiefly upon the judge presiding in the court you serve in, and upon the clerk thereof. Etiquette forbids any public thanks to a judge, but the clerk may be openly praised. I speak for the Hon. Stephen C. Little, Clerk of the Superior Court and candidate for re-election. I sat in his court and know whereof I discourse. His tap on the shoulder is as velvet; his summons is music to the ear. Vote for him at the coming plebiscite, or be forever darned!–Free Adv.

Delivered by the Hon. Sunday-school Field, LL. D.