Baltimore Evening Sun (4 September 1913): 6.

Pointed note from an epizootical reader:

I lay 250 to 1 that your alleged hay fever cure is simply one more fraud. I have tried them all, and not one of them is worth a d----.

For that, beloved, you wait another day! You might have been cured today; as it is, you keep on sneezing until tomorrow!

A DAILY THOUGHT. To argue against any breach of liberty from the ill use that may be made of it is to argue against liberty itself, since all is capable of being abused.–Lord Littleton.

Oberst von Hook von Altstadt brings home news that the Emperor William has declared for the Hon. Goose Grease Altfeld.–Political Adv.

If the learned Police Commissioners refrain from proceeding against the Hon. Joseph J. Ettor for lack of law, then let them send to Washington for a copy of Senate Document No. 426 of the Sixtieth Congress, First Session–a document consisting, in the main, of an official opinion by the Hon. Charles J. Bonaparte, LL. D., then Attorney-General of the United States. The subject of that opinion was an anarchist paper called La Questione Sociale, published at Paterson, N. J., and the question put to the Hon. Mr. Bonaparte was whether it could be excluded from the mails. His decision, you may be sure, was highly satisfactory to the Hon. Theodore Roosevelt. In brief, he decided (a) that there was “no express provision of law directing the exclusion of such matter from the mails,” and (b) that it ought to be excluded anyhow. This exclusion was duly performed by the Hon. Mr. Roosevelt, to the applause of all “forward-looking” men.

True enough, the anarchists of Paterson were not squelched thereby. On the contrary, the fact that such magnificoes as MM. Roosevelt and Bonaparte were alarmed by their bellowing gave them great advertisement and dignity, and during the next three or four years they kept Paterson in a state of constant turmoil. But the New Thought in moral jurisprudence has no concern with such untoward effects. Its one aim is to soothe and enchant the mind, to display the uncompromising virtue of its practitioners, to describe the worl as it might be if all men were like them. If, in the course of that enterprise, the world is actually made worse, then all the blame attaches to the scoundrels who object and resist.

This is the primciple underying the vice crusade, and this is the principle underlying such things as the Police Board’s recent prohibition of the “Salome” advertisement and the Hon. Eugene Levering’s public protest against “September Morn.” The “Salome” advertisement has been more than doubled in trade value by the estimable Commissioners’ venture into Bonapartean super-law. Before they banned it, thousands of persons had never noticed it; now every boy in town has had a look at it. So with “September Morn.” The Hon. Mr. Levering’s curious theory of its psychic effects has given it a wide and permanent celebrity.

Certainly, the Police Commissioners, as exponents of the New Thought in law, are not going to overlook the chance to advertise and prosper ther Hon. Mr. Ettor. As things stand, he seems to be making but small progress with his jehad. He attacks the very constitution of society; he advocates the complete overthrow of our present industrial system; he encourages his followers to yell “Down with the police!”; in the words of Starkie, quoted with approval by the Hon. Mr. Bonaparte, his harangues have “a plain tendency to produce public mischief by * * * creating a general dissatisfaction toward government.” And yet he is causing no excitement. The majority of the plain people go about their business regardless of him. Four-fifths of the citizens of Baltimore scarcely know that he is in town.

Let the Police Board get on the job at once. That thing which the Hon. William H. Anderson calls the “moral sentiment” demands that it proceed against the Hon. Mr. Ettor with the full strength of its land and sea forces. And the Hon. Mr. Ettor, I daresay, feels the surge of the same yearning. He is a very clever man. He makes a specialty of profiting by the extravagance and stupidity of Dogberries. He will give the lie to his fame if he fails to seize the opportunity now dangling so seductively before him.

From the Hon. J. Barry Mahool’s closing harangue to the “progressive” Democrats in the primary campaign of April, 1911:

I will be just as independent in the future as I have been in the past. [Tumultuous Applause.]

From a first-page advertisement in the estimable Hot Towel of last Monday:

GRAND DEMOCRATIC RALLY North Ave. Casino. HON. J. BARRY MAHOOL Will Preside. Speakers: HON. James H. Preston. Hon. Isaac Lobe Straus. Hon. A. S. Goldsborough.

The estimable Woman’s Journal in defense of the Hon. Ben B. Lindsey, J., now accused of undue leniency to abhorrent males:

There were a miscellaneous lot of cases where leniency seemed reasonable. In some the girl was older than the boy, and was as much responsible as he. * * *

What will the Maryland Suffrage News say to that? The girl responsible? Perish the scoundrelly thought! In all such cases, without a single exception, the girl is innocent, blameless, a helpless victim. That is the first principle of the homophobic jurisprudence. To say otherwise is to be a rogue and vagabond, a special pleader for the social evil, a professional and incorrigible sinner, an anti-Bonaparte.

Alas, for the suffragettes: the Lindsey case is keeping them jumping! If they denounce Ben for letting male offenders go, they denounce their supreme pet and spokesman. And if they defend him, they must admit that some such offenders, at least, do not deserve the noose. In either case, they have to let go one of their dearest pieces of bosh. In either case, they must reconcile themselves to looking foolish.

Robert Jewett, a cold-water spellbinder, was recently convicted of selling liquor at Georgetown, Ky. He was fined $120. One less shining face at Columbus.–Liquor Ring Adv.

Send in your tips for the snouters! Let no guilty working-girl escape!