Baltimore Evening Sun (11 August 1913): 6.


Dr. Phillips Lee Goldsborough to the Hon. William H. Anderson:

It has been found that unless prohibition laws have been supported by public opinion in the various jurisdictions they are practically impossible of enforcement.

The testimony of an Eastern Shoreman and of a man hospitable to moral endeavor. Will the Hon. Mr. Anderson, pursuing his usual course, now denounce it as the libel of an agent and spokesman of “the liquor interests”?

The Hon. Edward C. Carrington, LL. B., in the estimable Evening News:

I am not and will not be a candidate for the United States Senate.

Which shows that even the most ardent Bull Mooser, when it comes to taking personal risks, may manifest a degree of circumspection amounting almost to downright prescience.

From the estimable Hot Towel’s report of the Hon. K. B. Garland’s picnic:

Councilman Durm * * * spent the afternoon introducing * * * [the Hon.] E. Milton Altfeld, candidate for the Legislature from the First district.

Why Durm? Why not the Hon. D. Harry himself? If he has gratitude in him, he will take off his coat and elect the Hon. Mr. Altfeld with a bang. And to help in that benign business he will shell and inundate the First district with the syllogisms of the Hon. Bob Lee, the bogus statistics of the Hon. Sunday-school Field, LL. D., and the voluptuous word music of the Hon. Aristides Sophocles Goldsborough, that monumental pile of brains. Altfeld made Harry–made him with soft soaps and grateful unguents, slippery butters and caressing oils, smooth ointments and healing greases–and it is now up to Harry to help Altfeld.

From the genial and estimable Maryland Suffrage News:

------ ------, a brothel keeper, and H. L. Mencken, of the Evening Sun, are reported to have testified before the Grand Jury in favor of the segregation and toleration of prostitution. ------ ------ was doubtless impelled by business interests, and we presume Mr. Mencken was impelled by his prejudices.

What has come over the Suffrage News? Why this new politeness? Why does it hesitate to make the flat accusation that I am a white slave trader, the paid barrister of scarlet ladies, an owner of disorderly houses? And why does it hesitate to lay the same charges against the police captains of Baltimore, and the judges of the Supreme Bench, and four-fifths of the members of the Medical and Chirurgical Faculty, and the living ex-members of the Police Board, all of whom are likewise opposed to snouting, spying and raiding, and in favor of careful and intelligent dealing with a baffling evil? Certainly, the Suffrage News is losing some of its old holy fire and courage. Before long, I fear, it will begin to admit that even Havelock Ellis is not a scoundrel. But let it have a care! Suppose I should confess? How foolish it would look!

Incidentally, the Suffrage News devotes nearly a whole page to defending the Hon. Ben B. Lindsey, J., of Denver, that beautiful doll of the uplift. As everyone knows, Ben is now facing the recall on charges of undue leniency to men and boys accused of horrendous, levantine crimes against working girls. The News, quoting its ma, the Woman’s Journal, argues for him on two grounds, the first being that his chief accuser is not a suffragette in good standing, and the second being tato some of the prisoners halted before him were innocent. A lamentable and puzzling change of front, indeed! Not two months ago, the News was maintaining vociferously that no man accused of such crimes could ever be innocent. It even went to the length of denouncing a local judge who, in the absence of evidence, found such a prisoner not guilty, and painted a gorgeous picture of the offense committed against “innocent school children” by setting him free.

Again, why should the fact that good Ben’s chief accuser is not a suffragette stand in the way of his swift and ecstatic butchery? Does the News argue that the bringing of such charges is a natural suffragette monopoly, and that the sport should be forbidden to nonconformist gladiatresses? Certainly, I hope not. A good suffragette should be less hunkerous and selfish. She should welcome any help, however dubious, in the solemn business of chasing and punishing men. Once women get the vote, that unofficial help, indeed, will have to be accepted willy-nilly, or the great program of penal and surgical reforms will never go through. The suffragettes themselves won’t have sufficient votes to overcome the licentious nays of the scoundrelly male sex. Even in Colorado, as the Lindsey incident shows, they control only a part of the women voters. In order to got their burning cancer salves upon the body politic they will have to seek the aid of the unwillingly enfranchised antis. Why then should they bellow so stridently when stray antis offer them voluntary support?

Personally, I rather sympathize with poor Ben. If I myself were a jurist upon the bench (Gott soll hüten!) I should be disposed to liberate all prisoners against whom no actual evidence was forthcoming. Such is male rascality! Such is the weakness of all rogues for helping one another! But it must be obvious that an archangel like Ben has no right to yield to that failing. As spokesman and agent of the suffragettes he has nothing to do the guilt or innocence of men dragged before him. His plain and bounden duty is to knock them in the head with the shilelah of jurisprudence, with swift and condign stroke, and to hand over their forbidding carcasses to the fair anatomists of the New Thought. If he does less than this, if he lets the so-called innocent go, then he is a traitor to the man-haters who made him great.

Don’t miss Prof. Alexander Geddes’ poem of passion on page 4 today. He will be found there every day, beating out his sapphics, trilling his B flat in altissimo, spraying his genial ointment. The Evening Sunpaper has engaged him at enormous expense to fill this town with music. Don’t miss his daily songs!–Adv.

Say what you will against the Hon. D. Harry, nobody never heard him say nothing in favor of the initiative and referendum.

Boil your drinking water! Snoutery forever! Read Bonaparte, and die!

Warning to to the Hon. William H. Anderson: Keep your eye on the Hon. Ed. Hirsch! He has been in conference of late with several penitent clergymen! Beware of public confessions!