Baltimore Evening Sun (29 May 1913): 6.

Under rigid cross-examination Col. Jacobus Hook admits he once belonged to the Elks and the Maryland Historical Society, but he still insists that he has never been a Sunday-school superintendent.--Adv.

Those authorities who discuss the problem, When is a man drunk? in the Sunpaper of this morning forget a celebrated decision of Loden, J., during his days on the bench, to wit, that no man is drunk who can lie on the floor without holding on.

A lot of very familiar anti-vivisectionist bosh will be found in a letter from the Hon. S. M. Farrell, a New York Christian Scientist, in today’s Letter Column. The piling up of important-looking “authorities,” so heartily practiced by the Hon. Mr. Farrell, is one of the favorite devices of all anti-vivisectionist press agents. In the first place, they seek to flabbergast the unthinking with so great a show of bogus eminence, and in the second place, they hope to conceal the fact that 99 per cent. of all genuine authorities are against them.

Most of the men cited by the Hon. Mr. Farrell are either safely dead or notoriously unreliable. Taylor, Peter and Billroth (if by “the great Viennese surgeon” he means Theodor) have passed to their reward, and so can’t deny remarks attributed to them. Wilson is a famous anti-vivisectionist rabble-rouser, of no scientific standing whatever. Thornton is a retired British Army surgeon, 79 years old, and was out of touch with civilization during all the time Pasteur’s vaccine was being tried and discussed. When he came home in 1891, after 35 years’ absence in China and Afghanistan, he couldn’t understand it and so decided that it was poppycock. Doyen is a celebrated French “discoverer” of cancer “cures.” McLaughlin is a horse doctor. Lutaud is a professional foe to the Pasteur Institute of Paris. Bantock is an obstetrician. Berdoe is a celebrated anti-vivisectionist slugger and editor of the Zoophilist. His medical fame is based upon the fact that he is the editor of “The Browning Cyclopedia.” This leaves Von Frisch--apparently Anton Von Frisch, of Vienna, professor of anatomy in the art academy there. He is one of Billroth’s old pupils and a man of decent standing--but there is no evidence, aside from anti-vivisectionist statements, that he has ever called the Pasteur vaccine a fraud.

So much for the Hon. Mr. Farrell’s “authorities.” Against them are such men as Prof. Dr. Paul Ehrlich, Sir Almroth Wright, Dr. William H. Welch, Dr. Simon Flexner, Dr. Metchnikoff, Dr. Emil von Behring, Dr. Osler, Sir Ronald Rose and Dr. Wilhelm Müller--in brief, all the genuine medical authorities of the world. Here in Baltimore there is not a single physician or surgeon of undoubted repute who believes that the Pasteur vaccine is a fraud. Medical opinion is unanimously in its favor. The only voices raised against it are those of osteopaths, Christian Scientists and other such ignoranti--each of whom has something “just as good” to sell.

As for the Hon. Mr. Farrell’s contention that I was in error in saying that “no reputable physician has ever indorsed” Friedmann’s turtle serum, I leave it without argument. That many reputable physicians were willing to observe Friedmann’s early experiments is true enough, and that they took honest note of all apparent improvements in his patients is also true. But such a display of interest and fairness is by no means an indorsement. No reputable medical man, either in Europe or in America, has ever announced his belief that the Friedmann serum is a sure cure for tuberculosis, as Friedmann claims. If the Hon. Mr. Farrell can find one such man, I shall be very glad to give him a good cigar.

Prof. Graham Taylor, founder and head resident of the Chicago Commons, a large social settlement in the slums, shocked the politicians of the Illinois Vice Commission the other day by telling them that their so-called investigation of prostitution was “hysterical, spectacular and superficial.” This Professor Taylor, it must be plain, is an ignoramus and a scoundrel,if not a downright partner of white slave traders. His alleged authority to speak is based upon the fact that he has spent 30 years in the red-light district of Chicago, doing his best for the erring. What right has such a superficial dilettante to question the great “experts” of the Vice Crusade? On what grounds does he set himself against the stentorian preachers, romantic statisticians and pious sociologists of that sublime cause?

It is officially announced that no sketch of Old Doc Fowler will appear in the Hot Towel’s Domesday Book.--Adv.

The boomers! The boomers! They’re on the mat again! And lining up their grease guns for the advertising men!

Add the Hon. James W. McCarthy to the list of dead and wounded. But the Hon. McCay McCoy still keeps his tootsies in the trough.

Just as the anti-vivisectionists, when they are confronted with evidence that the diphtheria antitoxin was perfected by experiment on animals, deny boldly that it is of any value in diphtheria, so the mad whoopers of the Anti-Saloon League, when they are confronted with statistics against them, deny boldly that those statistics are honest. You will find a classical example of this habit in today’s Letter Column, over the sign manual of the Hon. William H. Anderson, that suave and shameless man.

But why does the Hon. Mr. Anderson stop where he does? Isn’t he well aware that practically all diseases of the heart, liver, kidneys, ankles, glottis and ear drums are caused by alcohol? Doesn’t he know that all persons who die of hydrophobia really die of drink? And yellow fever? And meningitis? And the blind staggers? Has he never seen the Anti-Saloon League’s “proofs” that all train wrecks are caused by the bibbing of engineers? And if he has, why doesn’t he credit the 8,750 annual deaths of passengers to drink? Certainly, the hon. gent. displays a strange and incredible self-restraint. Certainly he violates the 1913 league rules for Anti-Saloon League statisticians.

My spies bring me news that the Hon. Dan Loden has raised whiskers during his convalescence. Whatever Dan does, you can be sure it helps to make life more beautiful and is not against the law.–Adv.

Talent yet unrecruited by old-fashioned Sunday-Schools:

The Hon. Frank Kelly.

The Hon. Henry E. Schoenewolf.

Boil your driniking water! Watch Padgett come back! Swat the fly!