Baltimore Evening Sun (11 December 1912): 6.

From the estimable Maryland Suffrage News of December 7:

With the establishment of the principle of Sunday opening the necessities of business competition would quickly compel the larger shops with their many hands to remain open as well.

A perfect example of that bogus logic which constantly characterizes the Suffrage News, and has done so much damage to the suffrage cause in this town. The truth is, of course, that the principle of Sunday opening has been established among us for at least 15 years. The Police Board, if I make no mistake, reports that more than 1,000 more stores in Baltimore are open every Sunday. And yet how many big stores have been forced to open likewise? Not one.

This transcendental logic is the chief mark of the persons who have assumed to boss the suffrage propaganda in Baltimore, to the great damage, I believe, of that propaganda. They are full of cocksure rubbish about what will happen, but discreetly silent about what is happening. In particular, they show that weakness when they discuss the vice crusade, which is now occupying more space in the Suffrage News then the suffrage itself. The more thev argue, indeed, the more they reveal their incapacity for sound argument. What they mistake for logic is merely the unordered emotionalism, the vociferous exaggeration, the petty spitefulness, the silly making of faces at ill-bred children.

Those contributors to the Democratic National Convention fund who were barred out of the convention hall by the super-Mahon’s roughnecks will meet at Raine’s Hall tonight and pledge themselves to the hon. gent’s. Senatorial campaign. To forgive is human; to forget, divine.

Postulate of the Hon. William H. Anderson:

A man goes into a saloon for a single glass of beer.

Alas, this is no proof of the virtue of the man, but merely a criticism of the quality of the beer.

Copy of a cablegram sent to Stockholm last Monday by the Maryland Antivivisection Society:

In the name of humanity we protest against awarding the Nobel prize to Dr. Alexis Carrel.

Virtuous, but somewhat late. Dr. Carrel has long since received the $37,500, and most of it has already gone, I hear, for the purchase of guinea pigs.

The betting odds in the Eutaw street penochle rooms:

3 to 1 that Harry is not licked by more than 3 to 1.

Sarcastic note from a highly respectable reader:

You seem almost glad that [the Hon.] Mr. Anderson declined your challenge.

Well, who wouldn’t be? Think of staying on the water wagon three months!

All the same, I am willing to meet my distinguished friend more than half way. Let us reduce the time to one day and his dose to one seidel of authentic Muenchener. And let him drink that one in public, where all scoffers may come and count it, and let the drinking be dignified by a full surgical asepsis. And if he won’t drink it then let him but taste it. I persist. I have hope.

Don’t miss this week’s Maryland Suffrage News. A full statement of the vice crusaders’ plans on page 144. In particular, notice Sections 6, 10, 13 and 14, Here we have, for the first time, a full and frank statement of what our self-appointed “experts” propose to do. Here we have an accurate description of their bloody and iron-bound Utopia. Here we have a document worth spreading upon the minutes. Get a copy of it from the Just Government League, 817 North Charles street. Five cents to all comers.

What has the Hon. William H. Anderson to say to the latest returns of the Norweigan inspector of prisons? Of all the adults in Norway, but 13.5 per cent. are teetotalers. And yet of all the men and women in Norwegian prisons, charged with offenses carrying more than one year’s imprisonment, 38.7 per cent. are teetotalers. How now?

And what of the late experiment with the Eighth (Ober-Bernese) Regiment of Swiss Mountain Artillery? In the interests of science, the 628 officers and men of the regiment abstained from all alcohol for six months. At the end of that time an exhaustive test, made under supervision of professed advocates of total abstinence, showed that the men had fallen off 317 points, or 18 per cent., in their general bodily vigor. See the Berlin Lokal Anzeiger for November 18, Page 7, column 2.

And what of Dr. John Chambers’ discovery that malt liquor is a febrifuge--a fact that has long been a commonplace in the German hospitals?

Miscellaneous new books that you can’t afford to miss:

“The Problem of Social Hygiene,” by Havelock Ellis. (Houghton-Mifflin.) “Salve,” by George Moore. (Appleton.) “Mark Twain,” by Albert Bigelow Paine. (Harpers.) “Knocking the Neighbors,” by George Ade. (Doubleday-Page.) “Elkan Lubliner, American,” by Montague Glass. (Doubleday-Page.)

The Hon. the Archangel Harry to the ladies of the Women’s Civic League:

I * * * determined that no public servant should be discharged because another wanted his place.

Sing hey, the butchered tax balliffs! Sing ho, the slaughter in the Health Department!

And as soon as Col. Jacobus Hook gives the Concord Club 100 chairs it will need another 100.--Adv.

An osteopath is one who argues that all disease is caused by the pressure of hard bone upon soft tissue. The proof of his theory is to be found in the heads of those who believe it. Old, true enough, but still full of sap.

An anti-vivisectionist is one who gags at a guinea pig and swallows a baby. Even older--and even sappier.

Gaseocaput, n, a loud and empty fellow, a damphool, a lighthead.

My spies bring me news that the well which supplies the moral hamlet of Havre de Grace with water was lately corrupted by the suicide of a polecat. I leave the moral to the estimable Wegg, chorepiscopus ef that austere wilderness.

Am I to assume, by way, that Wegg is in favor of all forms of debauchery that are lawful? Or is he merely in favor of those that are profitable?