Baltimore Evening Sun (2 November 1912): 6.

Life is the same d------ thing over and over again.

Portrait of the debate between the Hon. Satan Anderson and the Hon. Gene Chafin, the Wet Hope:

{illustration}

First Harry helps Bob to open the asphalt factory and then Bob helps Harry to pave Baltimore. Such gemuethlichkeit!

From a campaign headline in the refined old Sunpaper:

But The Tariff Was Taken Off And They Are * * * Selling It For 300 Per Cent. Less.

Even more astonishing, b’gosh, than the Honorary Pallbearers’ caim that they have reduced freight rates 100 per cent.

A WALKOVER FOR MAJOR JOHN PHILIP HILL!

This week’'s platitude prize is awarded to the Hon. John Philip Hill, Major, M. N. G., for the following:

Crime is crime.

Inasmuch as this is the only respectable platitude launched in Baltimore since last Saturday, the committee is unable to make honorable mention of other competitors.

The prize, a copy of “The Saints’ Everlasting Rest,” by the late Rev. Richard Baxter, D.D., bound in half a calf, is now being extra illustrated with portraits of the officers of the Honorary Pallbearers, and when that work is completed it will be at the Hon. Mr. Hill’s orders.

Next week’s prize will be a white crape waistcoat, with pale blue immortelles for buttons.

Vote for Teddy and make the paper worth a cent!

The Hon. S. S. Field, LL. D., to the silicaputs assembled in Cross Street Hall:

A man of such overweening ambition and intense egoism that his very virtues make him the more dangerous.

True of an ex-President, and even more true of an ex-Vice-President.

The Hon. Aristides Sophocles Goldsborough is at pains to assure the stoneheads that the sewer rental plan is not an administration measure. Of course not, of course not! Neither is Bob Padgett an administration contractor. Of course not, of course not! Let the orchestra behind the potted palms play “Juanita.”

From an advertisement in the estimable Hot Towel of this morning:

• hon. eugene o’dunne.
• robert e. lee, esq.
• jacob w. hook, esq.

Such is gratitude! Gene an Hon. and Bob and Jake mere Esqs. Let the band play the barcarolle from “Elijah.”

Now that the campaign is drawing to a close and the discussion of statecraft begins to pall, perhaps the Hon. Charles J. Bonaparte may be induced to devote one of his Saturday articles to the subject of the Vice Crusade. The Hon. Mr. Bonaparte, I believe, is vice-president of the Crusade, and so he may be presumed to understand its aim and purport and to have reasonable grounds for confidence in its success. What is that aim precisely and what are those grounds? Explanations have been offered in the past by Dr. Howard A. Kelly and the Hon. Samuel E. Pentz, but it may be said of Dr. Kelly, without disrespect, that his reasoning is largely theological, and of the Hon Mr. Pentz, with assurances of high regard, that his.facts are not always dependable. From the Hon. Mr. Bonaparte, if he can be brought to the business, there is hope of getting clearer and less romantic information, for on the one hand he lacks the fixed beliefs of Dr. Kelly and on the other hand he is vastly less gullible than the Hon. Mr. Pentz. Will he step forward and oblige us? Certainly I hope so. This problem of the social evil needs all the illumination it can get.

VOTE FOR THE SEWER RENTAL PLAN!

I an in favor of the sewer rental plan for several reasons. One of those reasons is that I shall have the collection of the rentals, and that will mean an increase in my clerical force * * * and more places for competent Democrats of the Nineteenth ward.--The Hon. Daniel Joseph Loden.

For chirurgeon-in-chief of Sydenham Hospital:

Geheimrat Prof. Dr. JOHN TURNER, Jr.

The very man for the place. A great physiologist, a copious and meritorious author, a lifelong Democrat, a high-toned gentleman and the Original Harry Man.

Meanwhile, there is no reason why Mr. Taft should worry about finding a running mate. We have here in Baltimore an experienced union Vice-President, somewhat shopworn, of course, but still good enough for a losing ticket, and we are willing to knock him down for $2 cash and a good cigar.

Boil your drinking water! Cover your garbage can! Pursue and swat the lingering senile fly!

Now come two more of them Johns Hopkins professors, Hollander and Thayer, with whoops for Teddy. Have a care, gents, have a care! Harry will get you in the end. The Johns Hopkins is doomed.

All human beings are frauds. The only difference between them it that some admit it. I myself deny it

The more Col. Jacobus Hook thinks of what them Old Town Merchants have did to him, the more he wishes somebody had jailed him in Munich.