Baltimore Evening Sun (30 September 1912): 6.


Portrait of a Baltimorean who believes that Anderson was knocked out by the Hon. Mr. Price and won’t be heard of no more:


Some time ago, more in sorrow than in anger, I called the estimable Democratic Telegram to account for withholding the feudal title of “honorable” from the Hon. Samuel Summers Field, LL. D., while granting it freely to the Hon. John Gill, Jr., and the Hon. James Harry Preston. In its current issue the Telegram enters upon a long and paralogical defense of itself, and ends by laying down the rule that only the following persons are entitled to be called “honorable” in America:

The President of the United States. Members of the President’s Cabinet. Members of Congress. Governors of States. Heads of State departments. State Senators. The Speaker of the House of Delegates. Mayors. Judges.

The Hon. Mr. Field, argues the Telegram, does not qualify under this rule, or, at any rate, he didn’t qualify at the time he and the Hon. MM. Gill and Preston were law partners. To quote:

On the formation of the firm in question, Mr. Gill was a member of Congress and Mr. Preston had been Speaker of the House of Delegates of Maryland, but Mr. Field had never filled any official position.

Alas, alackaday! Such is fame! The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away! We are here today and gone tomorrow! Can it be, is it possible, is it decent, is it imaginable, that the editor of the Telegram has clean forgotten, and in the short space of ten sad years, that the Hon. Mr. Field was Attorney-General of the Unitea States in the first and second Cabinets of the Hon. William Jennings Bryan?

Ah, woe! Ah, lamentation! But, after all, no wonder! The Hon. Mr. Field has himself forgotten it! Who did not mark him in the Convention Hall, facing the Hon. Mr. Bryan with vitreous, sightless eyes? Who did not search his countenance for a gleam of recognition, a blush of sweet memory, the light of an ancient love? But all in vain, all in vain! The Hon. Mr. Bryan could smile and wave his hand and whisper “Sam!” The Hon. Mr. Field’s one and awful reply was to howl for the Hon. Champ Clark, of Missouri, that false one, that super-Satan. An indelicate and indelible scene! Sam forgot--but what man of heart, present there, will ever forget his scandalous forgetting?

Where was the editor of the Telegram during all those tragic days? Under the press-stand, I dare any, distributing stick candy to the infant class of Hot Towel reporters. As for his roster of kosher “honorables,” I return to it on some future day. It is full of holes, but it deserves patient consideration.

The Rev. Dr. O. C. S. Wallace to his flock:

With all due respect to an earnest and well-intending clergyman, Bosh! No such delirium of animalism inflames and ravishes the world. On the contrary, the human race was never more sedate and virtuous. All of the natural instincts of man are now held to be loathsome, and most of them are banned by law. Nature has been revised and re-enacted with amendments. The one staggering fear of the civilized man today, the one nightmare that rides him to death, is the fear that some one will take him for a mammal.

Sample of the dialectic lobscouse ladled out by the Maryland Suffrage News:

The average male voter is not only callous to offenses against women, but even has a subtle fellow-feeling for the man accused of criminal acts against them.

Is this a confession that the lynching of blackamoors is done by suffragettes?

Recent doings in the world of boom-boom-boomery:

The Honorary Pallbearers have swallowed the Travelers and Merchants. London Park Cemetery has its eye on Greenmount.

The Baltimore county grand jury has presented the County Commissioners. But nobody don’t hardly pay no attention no more to what no grand jury does no more.

Standing of the clubs in the National Typhoid League for the week ended August 31:

Baltimore..........................1,254 Cleveland.........................357
Boston................................746 St Louis............................145
Chicago..............................457 Philadelphia.....................128
New York..........................398 Loch Raven......................000

Once again the percentage of the Orioles is larger than the percentage of the next two clubs combined.

Impending collisions in the hortatory plaza de toros:

The boomers! The boomers! ’Tain’t nothin’ we would ruther behold ’em doin’ to this town than swallerin’ each other!

Removing their gloves of grief and spitting on their hands, the Honorary Pallbearers reiterate their conscientious belief that “the slum is unknown in Baltimore.”

Today is another one of these days on which the case of the ex-sheriffs was going to be tried. Tomorrow will be still another.

New novels that insult the intelligence somewhat less then usual:

“A Woman of Genius,” by Mary Austin. (Doubleday-Page). “Alexander’s Bridge,” by Willa S. Cather. (Houghton-Mifflin).