Baltimore Evening Sun (19 August 1912): 6.

{illustration}
Court Circular
Padgette Palace, Aug. 19.
The Hon. Daniel Joseph Loden, Master of the Jobhounds, was received by his Majesty and had the honorof presenting a delegation of his uncles and cousins, 65 head in all.

Geheimrat Prof. Dr. John Turner, Jr., was received by his Majesty and kissed hands on his promotion to the rank of grand cross in the most Noble Order of the Feather.

His Majesty has been pleased to confer the Most Noble Order of the Feather, third class, upon the Hon. John R. Bland.

Capt. the Hon. John J. Mahon, Jr., is in attendance upon his Majesty as Equerry-in- Waiting.

Historic fawks pass of the oleomaniacal Hot Towel:

That the Mayor will decline to consult with politicians concerning the appointment [of a new Sewerage Commissioner] is believed by those who know his views * * *

In other words, it is sometimes virtuous to make an appointment without consulting the jobhounds! Oh, Towel, thou art careless! Beware lest the Customer jump up in sudden rage and lay about him with a tallow bucket!

Lookout for piano-tuners, gas-men, hucksters, health wardens and porch climbers! Burns uses many disguises!

Don’t talk to barbers! Burns stops at nothing!

From the archives of the Old-Fashioned Admintstration:

Quick was the little maid’s reply: “O Master! We are seven!”

Meanwhile, the Old-Fashioned City Council in Detroit seems to have bitten hard upon something very gritty.

Geheimrat Turner is dramatizing his “Physiology” and will himself play the part of the Modern Appendicitis.—Adv.

The annual report of the Hon. James F. Thrift, City Comptroller, with its 402 pages of figures, gives little promise of pleasant reading, but all the same there is plenty of entertaining stuff within. For instance, in the section on the physical assets of the city. For years those assets were carried at their cost, but in January of last year their valuation upon a more reasonable basis was undertaken, and the Hon. Mr. Thrift presents the results. The assessors were the Hon. Messrs. Thomas J. Lindsay and Alfred D. Bernard, of the Appeal Tax Court.

The most valuable single piece of property that Lord Baltimore now owns, according to the Hon. Messrs. Lindsay and Bernard, is the new Courthouse, which cost $3,697,010.03 to build, including the ground, and is worth $3,772,500 as it stands. Next in value comes Druid Hill Park, which is worth $3,360.000, excluding Druid Lake and the two small reservoirs. The lake and the two reservoirs cost about $1,500,000, and so, if they are added, the value of the park rises to nearly $5,000,000. The next most valuable park is Clifton, which is worth $666,000. Then comes Carroll, worth $618,590. Then comes Patterson, worth $513,760. The city squares range in value from $15,000 to $40,000. Federal Hill is worth $64,662. Harlem Park is worth $110,700.

The value of the City Hall is set down by the Hon. Messrs. Lindsay and Bernard at $1,295,800, and that of the City Jail at $473,616. Bayview Asylum, including grounds and buildings, is worth $585,467. The two potter’s fields are worth $4,090 together. The Fourth Regiment Armory, which is owned by the city, is worth $26,412. The Fifth Regiment Armory is owned by the State. The new Polytechnic, when it is finished, will be the most valuable school building in the city, but at present the Eastern High School leads, with a valuation of $373,350. Some of the school buildings are worth as little as $2,500, while others are worth more than $100,000. All of them, taken together, are valued at $4,743,070 .49. The city engine houses are worth $1,850,429.56. The police stations are worth $343,867, and the markets $1,048,610. Finally, the City owns $6,439,748.48 worth of piers, docks and bulkheads.

Various curiosities of municipal finance are encountered in the Hon. Mr. Thrift’s fascinating volume. It appears, for example, that there is a ground rent of $56 upon the City Hall and that it is paid regularly every year, but that the money goes to the Commissioners of Finance, who bought the ground rent years ago. Thus the city pays ground rent to itself. There are other such ground rents upon the City College, the Colored High School, Lexington Market, Riverside Park and many of the engine and school houses. Altogether $38,042 thus migrates from one of Lord Baltimore’s pockets to another every year.

Incidently, it is instructive to glance through the reports of departmental expenditures and note the waste of money. Last year, for example, the City Council spent $195 for postage stamps. During the year two ex-City Councilmen died and the jobhounds went to both funerals in state— and at the expense of the treasury. Once they spent $37 for hacks and flowers and the other time $41. Beside they sent engrossed resolutions of lamentation to the two widows, at a further cost to the city of $120. Other resolutions engrossed during the year wasted $460 more. A portrait of ex-Mayor J. Barry Mahool cost $650, so the money flies when ward politicians get their paws into the till.

The following cablegram received this morning, explatins itself:

Munich, Aug. 19.
Mencken, Sunpaper, Baltimore.
Oh what a town oh me oh my such gemuethlichkeit I never did see can’t thank you enough for steering me having time of my life even old town has much to learn fond regards to all the boys gruess gott.
Jake.

The Hon. Dan Loden has got jobs, to date, for 14 head of uncles and 32 head of cousins. He will begin upon his nephews, of which there are 29 head, next Monday.—Adv.

Boil your drinking water! Send in your mite for the Harry monument! Beware the dictagraph!

The Hon. Dan Loden is the friend of everybody. Even his relatives like him.–Adv.