Baltimore Evening Sun (16 August 1912): 6.

Entry in the archives of the Old-Fashioned Administration:

Copies of Mayor’s message sent out.......................5,000
Favorable replies received....................................... 7

Official announcement of the Hon. Aristides Sophocles Goldsborough, secretary of the alert and industrious Factory Site Commission and third press agent to the super-Mahon:

Experience has shown that a low tax rate is a tremendous business advertisement to a city. Notwithstanding the fact that a city may be honeycombed with special charges and rentals, the one particular fact that its general tax rate is less gives it immediately a faverable standing in the industrial and commercial world.

In other words, the investor is a sucker. Show him a low tax rate and he will immediately bite—and after that it will be easy to get his money away from him by special assessments. His eyes do not see the hook, but only the bait. He is a romantic and emotional fellow, an easy believer, a bad mathematician. The same view of him appears in the Greater Baltimore Committee’s theory that the way to inflame him and get his money is to send photographs of Cardinal Gibbons to his home paper—a theory that must give considerable amusement to his Eminence, who is a man of sense and humor.

Meanwhile, an appeal from the theory to the facts gives but mild support to good Aristides. Between 1900 and 1910 the city of Tacoma, Wash., increased 120 per cent. in population, or say 12 times as much an Baltimore–and yet the tax rate in Tacoma last year was $3.08. In Salt Lake City, which increased 73.3 per cent., the rate was $4.06. In Springfield, Ill., which increased 51.3 per cent., it was $4.88. Increases and tax rates in other towns:

True enough, not one of these towns assesses real estate at its full valuation, as Baltimore does. The actual tax rate in every one of them is as low as Baltimore’s, if not lower. But if investors have intelligence enough to go behind these high tax rates and find the low valuations, why haven’t they intelligence enough to go behind a low tax rate and find the special assessments?

The Hon. Dan Loden has 22 cousins left, and another nephew comes of age every four months.—Adv.

The standing of the clubs in the National Typhoid League for the week ending July 20, as reported by the Public Health Reports:

This is the latest report, in this morning. Lucky for me that it didn’t come last week!

From the estimable and oleomaniacal Hot Towel:

A characteristically towelian reference, no doubt, to the case against the former sheriffs.

From the fascinating log-book of the case against the ex-sheriffs:

June 2, 1909.—Attorney-General Straus files suits against three ex-sheriffs for $46.755. August 14, 1912.—The ex-sheriffis still have the money.

The Hon. W. C. Williams, advertising agent of the local Christian Science healers, on the late death of one of their patients:

As Mr. R------ was.also a Christian Scientist, he was in full accord with his wife in taking the treatment that they both proved, and had seen proved by others. * * *

But does the Hon. Mr. Williams now argue that the death of this lady was still further proof?

Contributions to the Harry monument fund:

The committee in charge met yesterday afternoon and decided to hold its first banquet on September 1. It has been offered quarters in Suite 26, at the City Hall, by the Hon. Aristides Sophocles Goldsborough, manager of the Factory Site Commission, the Mahool primary campaign and the late vice-presidential campaign. The Hon. Augustus Cæsar Binswanger has been elected a member of the committee.

The Hot Towel on the prospective appointment of a new Sewerage Commissioner:

That the Mayor will decline to consult with politicians concerning the appointment is believed by those who know his views * * *

A well-meant effort, of course, to lay on the tallow—but isn’t there some sand in that tallow? If it is a virtue to keep this one job away from the job dealers, how can it also be a virtue to give them all other jobs? Perhaps the Towel will answer the riddle—or explain its fawks pass.

Further contributions to the thesaurus of American synonyms for physician:

Contributions to a thesaurus of American synonyms for clergyman:

Contributions to a thesaurus of supermahonic synonyms for journalist:

The estimable Hot Towel has just ordered from R. Hoe & Co. a new sextuple tallowing machine, with all the latest improvements. It is capable, when running at full speed, of tallowing 20,000 square inches of martyr an hour. A polychrome attachment allows the use of salve in six colors—red, blue, green, yellow, purple and black. Under forced draft, the machine can discharge 2,000 barrels of witch hazel in an eight-hour day, at a pressure of 6,000 amperes. While it is in operation an automatic orchestrion plays “Maryland, My Maryland.”—Adv.

The betting odds to the Eutaw street poker-rooms, an reported by the police:

10 to 1 that them Burns detectives ain’t such suckers as what they look. 200 to 1 that none of them ex-sheriffs never give up none of that money.

Say what you will, it don’t hardly seem like Kid Price ain’t any too anxious to get into the ring, so to speak. A really hearty boy don’t scarcely waste so much time smellin’ the gloves.