Baltimore Evening Sun (15 August 1912): 6.

The Hon. John Temple Graves on the super-Mahon, in the current Cosmopolitan Magazine:

He is today one of the most popular men in Baltimore and in Maryland.

Obviously, John must have gone home on July 1.

Extracts from the examination papers for health wardens under the merit system praised so justly by the Hon. the super-Mahon in his great message to the jobhounds:

anatomy.

• 1. What is a primary?
• 2. Name and describe the principle functions of a ward executive.
• 3. Who is the greatest man in Baltimore?

physiology.

• 1. Describe the method of collecting campaigm contributions from the nurses at Sydenham Hospital.
• 2. Name the officers of the Druid Hill Avenue Preston Club.
• 3. Describe the process of getting an ordinance through the City Council.
• 4. Write an ode upon the Philadelphia system of taxation and politics.

practice of medicine.

• 1. Give an account of bovotherapy and sketch the life of Geheimrat Turner.
• 2. Describe the method of apportioning city funds among municipal depositories.
• 3. Describe the different varieties of asphalt, and tell why Bob Padgett’s is best.

pathology.

• 1. Describe megalomania and outline a course of treatment for making it worse.
• 2. What is tallow? Witch hazel? Pomade? Talcum? Grease? Describe the therapeutic uses of each.
• 3. State the exact point at which the increasing stickiness of a precinct executive’s hands becomes pathological.

materia medica.

• 1. Give the words of the song “Oh, You Beautiful Towel!”
• 2. How many kegs of beer would you order for a ward meeting called to indorse the two- year paving clause? Give your reasons.
• 3. Did you vote for Mahool? Answer yes or no.
• 4. Next to the super-Mahon, who is the greatest man in the world, if any?
• 5. Are you willing to offer the use of your automobile on primary day? Have you a chauffeur’s license?

The examining board appointed by the super-Mahon consists of the following eminent specialists: Dr. Daniel Joseph Loden. Prof. Frank Kelly, Dr. Bob Padgett.

Further contributions to the thesaurus of American synonyms for physician:

Doc Sganarelle Shohet Munyon Dope-shooter Necromancer.

The fund for a monument to the Hon. the super-Mahon, suggested by the hon. gent. himself, seems to be getting under way rather slowly. I opened it on Tuesday with a contribution of $1,000, but since then only $19 has been received, as follows:

This makes $1,019 in all. Fully $15,000 will be necessary to provide a monument worthy of the man. The Hood monument in McLane Place cost $10,000 and is a decidedly unimposing affair. The memorial to the super-Mahon must be much larger, and in addition, it should be gilt. But only a beginning, of course, has been made. The committee in charge will not hold its first meeting until late this afternoon and wiskinskis will not be appointed until tomorrow. Much is expected from various volunteers. The estimable Elementary Teacher should be able to get $2,500 out of the old-fashioned school teachers; the Democratic Telegram, by the discreet use of its “letter of introduction,” should awaken the generosity of city contractors and municipal depositories; and the greasers of the Hot Towel’s tallowing squad should be willing to give their tips for two weeks.

Meanwhile indorsements of the monument plan come from all sides. The Hon. Jacobus Hook, K. T., sends this from the high seas:

Flattered by appointment to committee. Will begin hustling soon as I get back. Baltimore owes much to my distinguished friend. Give him whatever he wants.

This from a Johns Hopkins man who promises to collect $1,000:

I am thoroughly in favor of the monument. Why not put it on Broadway, facing the Hopkins Hospital? Or at Homewood? Harry has constantly done his darndest for the Hopkins. But why, oh why, is Geheimrat Turner not on the committee? Certainly there is no Baltimorean who better deserves the honor, or who would be more welcome to the super-Mahon.

So be it. The geheimrat is duly elected and inaugurated. And so is the Hon. Aristides Sophocles Goldsborough, the busy secretary of the Factory Site Commission, who was unaccountably overlooked at the start, probably because of his preoccupation with his onerous official duties. Meanwhile, pledges of support have been received from the Druid Hill Avenue Preston Club, the Medical and Chirurgical Faculty, the Bar Association, the League for Medical Freedom and the Third Ward Democratic Club. The Greater Baltimers Committee is now hard at work sending out press matter about the Brooklyn lynching. with exclusive photographs of the gentlemen accused, but as soon as it finishes that job it will lend a hand.

From the fascinating log-book of the case against the ex-sheriffs:

August 18, 1909.—Attorney-General Straus sues ex-Sheriff Paving Bob Padgett for $10,206.63. August 18, 1912.—Bob is still laughing.

The Hot Towel announces daily that the super-Mahon is inundated with letters of congratulation upon his late message to the jobhounds. These letters, says the Towel, come from “prominent business and professional men,” “citizens in all walks of life,” “the city’s leading men.” But so far it has given the names of but seven such enthusiasts. One is a liquor dealer, one is a city job-holder, one is a boomer, two are Prominent Baltimoreans and the other two are business men in a modeat way. All excellent gentlemen, but certainly it cannot be maintained that a septet makes much noise. The super-Mahon, so I hear, sent out 5,000 copies of his message. Can it be that he has received only seven favorable replies? If not—if as the Towel says, he is swamped with ratifications and encomiums—then perhaps the Towel will be good enough to publish a full list of the rhapsodists.

The Hon. MM. Charles J. Ogle and David Bachrach hacked me to death in the Letter Column yesterday. The weapon was Henry George’s “Progress and Poverty,” Mr. Ogle wielding progress and Mr. Bachrach poverty. Well, well, at the moment, I am flat on the mat. But maybe I’ll be able to think of some suitable sophistries in reply, once I get the I blood out of my eyes. Meanwhile, as a matter of discretion, I offer both gentlemen assurances of my distinguished consideration.

And in reckoning up the virtues of the super-Mahon, don’t forget that he is a Sunday-school superintendent.