Baltimore Evening Sun (18 July 1912): 6.

First the City Council tallows the Sunpaper then the boomers give a banquet to the Hon. Bob Crain.

In his eloquent and protracted hortation at Frederick yesterday, to the pilgrims from Old Town and the yoemen of Frederick and Washington counties, Col. Jacobus Hook reviewed the history of Old Town from the time of the formation of the Coastal Plain, described the new Jones’ falls highway in detail, proposed 265 different names for it and discussed the appropriateness of each, urged that Baltimore secure the Democratic National Conventions in 1916, 1920, 1924 and 1928, read the draft of a new City Charter satisfactory to the Administration, exposed the fallacies inherant in the initiative and referendum, ridiculed Socialism, described the proper manner of cooking crab soup, denounced the transatlantic steamship companies for increasing their rates in summer, read an editorial from the Sunpaper prasing the Hon, William Jennings Bryan, prophecied that Baltimore would have 5,000,000 population in 1975, told 38 apposite and amusing anecdotes, ratified Ireland’s struggle for Home Rule, deplored the Amazon atrocities, discussed the etiology and treatment of bubonic plague, reviewed the public career of the Hon. McCay McCoy, defended the two-year clause in paving contracts, considered the relative merits of Ibsen and Bjornsterne Bjornson, dismissed Richard Strauss’ “Rosenkavalier” as a farrago of cacophony, defended the late Winfield Scott Schley, declared for the recall of newspapers and likened the Hon. the super-Mahon to the following eminent persons:

Geheimrat Turner was overlooked—the Sydenham job went to Dr. Wright—but let it pass, let it pass! We sworn Turnerians do not repine, and neither do we accuse. Of Dr. Wright we have nothing but good to speak. An excellent man, learned and diligent, worthy and modest. But not a McAllister, not an Ehrlich, not a Junius, not a Turner!

Meanwhile, the learned judges recuperate on the golf links and the ex-sheriffs hang on to the mazuma.

The new science of chiropractic, one of the great boons of medical freedom, seems to be making excellent progress in the world. Invented so recently as September 19, 1896, by the immortal “Dr.” D. D. Palmer, of Davenport, Iowa, it has already made so many converts that there are now three colleges in Davenport for teaching it. One of them is run by “Dr.” Palmer’s son, another is run by a stock company headed by “Dr.” C. E. Moyers, and the third, a correspondence school, has the learned “Drs.” Sharp and Carlson for its bosses.

The Moyers college teaches all the mysteries of chiropractic in nine months, at a cost of $150 cash, or $20 a month, with a rebate of $100 in case husband and wife study together. The Sharp-Carlson seminary asks only $100. You pay $25 and get three months’ lessons by mail. Then you pay $25 more and get another three months’ instruction. Then you go to Davenport, pay the balance, and get “the finishing touches and your diploma.” What the Palmer college charges I don’t know at the moment, but my agents are looking into it.

What is Chiropractic? According to “Dr.” Moyers’ advertising matter, the term is made up of two Greek words “meaning ‘hand done’ or ‘done with the hand.’” The idea behind the new “science” is that all human diseases “not traceable to wounds” are caused by luxations–i. e., dislocations–of the vertebræ. Two adjoining vertebræ, thus knocked out of joint, exert an abnormal pressure on the nerves radiating from the spinal cord between them, and this pressure cuts off the flow of “inherant power” or “innate intelligence” from the brain, thus paralyzing the organs and tissues along the whole tract of the affected nerves.

The aim of the chiropractor is twofold. First he must determine just what nerve is squeezed by the vertebræ, and then he must relieve the squeezing. The first is accomplished by the art of “nerve-tracing,” an important department of chiropractic. Say, for instance, that the patient has a stiff knee. Well, the thing to do is to trace the nerve supplying “inherant power” to that knee back to its rat-hole in the vertebral column. And then, having traced it and found the luxation, the chiropractor lays the patient on a table and pushes the luxated vertebræ into place with his naked paws. A job for a strong man! No wonder so many blacksmiths are becoming chiropractors!

According to “Drs.” Sharp and Carlson, chiropractic is a sure cure for all human ills, and particularly for “heart,” “liver,” “stomach” and “dissentary.” According to “Dr.” G. H. Patchen, whose pamphlet, “The Chiropratic Idea,” is sent out by “Drs.” Sharp and Carlson, chiropractic often cures asthma, diphtheria, insanity, lumbago, paralysis and smallpox in one day. Headache, however, takes a week, and diabetes keeps the chiropractor grappling for a mouth. The best time ever made with catarrh has been “a few weeks,” but typhoid fever often gives up the ghost in two days.

"Dr.” Patchen attempts to answer frankly a questiou that new students of chiropractic probably often ask. It is this: If all diseases are caused by luxations of the vertebræ, how is it that the old-fashioned physicians, who make no effort to relieve such luxations, yet occasionally cure a patient? “Dr.” Patchen offers not one answer, but two. In the first place, he says, many an old- fashioned physician relieves a luxuation without knowing it—by prodding the patient or by administering drugs which have “a relaxing influence upon the system.” In the second place, many diseases, though really caused, at bottom, by luxations, are made visible by other causes, and so, when these other causes are removed, they seem to be cured. Thus the learned doctor disposes of his critics and sets chiropractic right before the world.