Baltimore Evening Sun (13 July 1912): 6.

THE FREE LANCE

The following cablegrams sufficiently explain themselves:

Kraus, Burgomaster, Munich: Prepaid.
Colonel hook eminent baltimorean sails Munich august first bespeak reception befitting his geniality and official position letter follows prosit
Mencken.

Mencken, Sun, Baltimore: Collect $6.17
Glad see colonel hook heard of him often arranging public dinner at ratshaus hope will favor us with speech regards dear old macdaanald zum wohl Kraus.


McCAY-McCOY ---- I did not violate the Charter. Five hundred yards at 90 cents a yard is less than $500, isn’t it? And then 500 square yards at 90 cents is less than $500, isn’t it? And then a third 500 yards at 90 cents a yard is less than $500, isn’t it? Where does a violation of the Charter come in?–The Hon. McCay-McCoy.


Them bum reformers keeps on knockin’ Harry for takin’ care of Bob Padgett, but Harry don’t give a darn. A man ought to take care of his friends. Harry ain’t never done nothin’ for Bob but what Bob would have did the same for Harry. All them reformers is sore about to their own friends ain’t got none of them pavin’ jobs. Well, why should they? What have they ever done to deserve anything? All they do to to knock and knock—and then, when Harry puts the rollers under them and comes to the bat with that little trick about no cement bein’ no good without it has been used two years, then all they do is to beller.


The way them reformers talk you would think Bob Padgett was committin’ some crime when he tries to git all the jobs he can. Well, why shouldn’t he git ’em? Somebody has to do the work. Why not Bob? Nobody don’t ever say he don’t lay good cement. All they say is he charges more’n he ought to for it. Well, supposin’ he does? Don’t everybody try to git all he kin for whatever he’s tryin’ to git rid of? Natcherly. And when the customer is easy he tries to make up for the time when the customer ain’t so easy. That’s all they can say ag’inst Bob. His customer is easy jist now because Harry is his friend, and so he lays it on a little to make up for the time when Harry gets canned and some bum reformer is on the job.


Harry ain’t no ingrate. He knows how Bob had to sweat to help him through, and he won’t forget it. And Bob ain’t no ingrate, either. He stuck in the convention darn near until the roof fell in, and he would have stuck longer if there had been anything to stick to. Harry would be a rat if he didn’t do what he could to help Bob’s game along, and Bob would be a rat if he didn’t do what he could for Harry. Them reformers would be better off if they took a lesson from such people. It don’t cost nothing to help a friend, and yet it’s one of the best ways to invent money you ever heerd of.


Bob Padgett don’t hardly know whether the courts is more perfecter than McCay-McCoy, or whether McCay-McCoy is more perfecter than the courts.


Free advtce to the Commissioners for Opening Streets: Stand from under!


Revised roll of the overdue and missing: