Baltimore Evening Sun (4 June 1912): 6.

Let us all believe Dr. John Turner when he says that his Loch Raven job will not be a cinch. In the hands of a less energetic man it might be, but Dr. Turner is no shirker. As he himself has said, on page 290 of his magnum opus, “The Physiology of the Humani Body and Hygiene”:

Life has its duties, each of which is performed, or should be, to the full capacity of the many different organs.

Incidentally, it is pleasant to see the super-Mahon giving jobs to men of genuine assiduity and genius. The average political doctor reflects little glory upon his profession. Too often he neglects his finger-nails and sometimes he clings hunkerously to camomile and sweet spirits of nitre, as sovereign balms for cholera infantum and typhoid fever. No so Dr. Turner. He is not only a keen student, but has also made original contributions to medical science, as the following extracts from his “Physiology” show:

Attached to and part of the caecum is a wormlike appendix called the vermiform appendix. * * * When inflamed we call it the modern appendicitis. (page 203.) Anaesthetics generally have the effect of dissolving fat, and so they also keep the nerve particles in a state of solution, consequently they quiet and make drowsy the nerve substance. This is wonderful, if perfectly true. (Page 97.) Fainting is heart inhibition. Inhibition may be inhibited * * * by drinking water. (Page 85.) Exercise the memory, and it improves rapidily in power and retentiveness. When used, it gives the head and face a full, flushed feeling. * * * When unused, the organ dessicates. (Page 136.) Phagucytes are supposed white corpuscles, which eat fiesh and digest it. (Page 63.) The large intestines are a continuation of the small intestines. They are larger than the small intestines. (Page 203.)

Now and then an excellent moral note appears in Dr. Turner’s scientific discourses–evidence enough, one may say, that his influence upon the Loch Raven rough-necks will be for the good. As for instance:

Alcohol is an enemy, by causing hardening and drying, to all the special senses. (Page 285.) Bitters, cordials, special tonics, etc., are all alcoholic in character, and are extremely hurtful in themselves, and further, they may lead to the real drink habit, which is horrible. (Page 205.) Tobacco is a common and nauseous habit, especially chewing tobacco. It is a plant freely used and grown in America. (Page 139.) Coffee, tea, chocolate, etc., are seemingly necessary for the poor man’s stimulation. * * * They produce a restful feeling, after having spent a day of effort, and soothes, yet does not disqualify for labor; therefore, literary workers esteem them highly. (Page 152.)

A few more extracts and Dr. Turner’s talents must give way. for the moment, to other themes:

Fruits are found in great abundance all over our country. They are essential to life, but not necessarily so. (Page 152.) Blood to used to the human being or animal, because we need some internal medium, now that we are made up of numerous amœba and special cells placed at a distance from each other. (Page 56.) According to same writer there are certain germs which prefer suicide to that of a watery surrounding. (Page 46.) A healthy man’s brain is full of energy and flushed with nature’s best and strongest thoughts when he awakens. If he eats breakfast that, too, should reinforce the high-spirited feeling. (Page 114.)

Manifestly, a man of strikingly original thought and expression. Let every good citizen congratulate the super-Mahon upon inducing him, apparently against his will, to undertake the physiological and pathological supervision of the new waterworks.

Now that the Hon. William H. Anderson has decided to remain in Baltimore and the Hon. Frederick Pabst has decided to make Baltimore the Munich of America, there looms upon the horizon as pretty a tussle as ever delighted the vulgar. Such a fight is unique and therefore the bookmakers are slow to make their odds. The chances, at the start, seem to favor the Hon. Mr. Anderson, for he is familiar with the ground and is already making his plans for the first collision in 1914. He is one to profit by adversity. Every scar upon him is an arrow pointing the way to future attacks upon the Rum Demon. But if the Hon. Mr. Pabst actually delivers the beer it will be very hard going for the Hon. Mr. Anderson.

Battle-cries of the American Muencheners:

No rice! No picric acid! No New Orleans molasses! No soap-bark! No false bottoms! No collars!

Meanwhile, the Hon. McCay McCoy might amuse himnelf some hot moming by inspecting the asphalt on Saratoga street, west of Greene. In the space of two blocks there are 412 holes and their total depth is 294 feet.

May ten thousand curses and all the pestilences of Egypt and the sixty-eight crushing calamities of the Babylonians and the classical combination of lumbago and St. Vitus’ dance and dire perils by field and flood fall upon any scoundrel who doubts that the great jurists and intellectual giants of the School Board will give Professor Boardman a fair and impartial trial!

The betting odds in the more optimistic barrooms:

3 to 1 that Roosevelt will be nominated at Chicago. 10 to 1 that, if nominated, he will be elected. 4 to 1 that he will carry Kentucky; Tennessee, Missourl and both of the new States. 3 to 1 that, if re-elected this time, he will be re-elected again in 1916.

Ten thousand dollars for any reason, not obviously insane or facetious, in support of the United Railways’ prohibition of smoking on the rear seats of its pay-as-you-enter cars. Far be it from me to offer impertinence to that benign corporation. Taking everything into account, it gives us better street car service than any other Eastern city gets–certainly better service than Washington gets, or Philadelphia, or New York. But of late years it has shown a lamentable disposition to scorn and invade the ancient rights of smokers. The man boarding a Gilmor street or Pennsylvania avenue or St. Paul street car must now throw away his cigar–perhaps a genuine Lancaster county of exquisite flavor. Soon he will encounter the same cruel inhospitality on the Gay street line–and before long, no doubt, on all lines.

Let the United Railways, pursuing this carear of tyranny and persecution, have a care. So far it may go, but no farther. Next time a bellringer bobs up in the Legislature or City Council it will need the aid of every good citizen–and let it not forget that fully 90 per cent of all good citizens are smokers.

Let us all hope, at any rate, that the Hon. the super-Mahon’s German is better than the School Board’s English.