Baltimore Evening Sun (11 April 1912): 6.
The Right Ron. the super-Mahon at a late banquet:
I am a great believer in the beart.
Cries of “Ingratitude!” from the lachrymal ducts.
The City Council meets once a week and every time it meets another schitzel is cut from the taxpayer. Laugh, suckers, laugh!
Young Anderson continues to put in hard work at Kid Cochran’s road house, and his trainers report that he will be in perfect shape within a week. Meanwhile he makes plans for a somewhat exciting summer tourne, in the course of which he will take on Young Kid Price, Jr., and Young Moore, two of the hardest boys on the Eastern Shore. If he floors them he will then cross the Chesapeake and tackle Buck Wells, of Prince George’s; Young Andrew, of Harford, and Kid Speicher, of Garrett, a trio of very promising youngsters. In case all of these boys go down before him there will be some fine hunting for a new Drinking Man’s Hope. Anderson’s bad hand is now completely healed and his terrific left hook promises to be as deadly as ever. He is leading the simple life at Cochran’s, training hard all day and practicing the Czerny exercises on a pianola all evening.
Them stuffers all look like men who just picked up some easy money at 50 to 1.
Remarks by the Hon. Charles J. Ogle, secretary of the Direct Legislative League, in defense or the initiative and referendum:
Popularity is a fairly trustworthy indication of merit.
Does the Hon. Mr. Ogle extend this test to Peruna, 5-cent cigars, medicated lingerie, the theory that 13 is an unlucky number and the doctrine that Jonah swallowed the whale?
Tips for the Maryland Anti-Vivisection Society, the alert, the ardent:
At the Johns Hopkins Medical School yesterday afternoon a St. Bernard dog named Bruno was boiled alive in a test tube. The paupers at Bayview are to be washed again on May 12.
Unroll the oilcloth! Get out the mops and sponges! Jump into your gum boots! Again that heart-wringing tale of diabolical newspaper persecution!
That tendency to mistake very complex questions for very simple ones, to which I alluded sadly the other day, is beautifully exhibited in the current discussion of judicial reform. On the one hand there are rahble-rousers who propose to set up the recall of judges or of decisions and so hand over jurisprudence to the mob. On the other hand there are hunkers who protest eloquently that the courts are properly above and beyond the popular will and that it would be suicidal and indecent to limit their powers.
Both sides, as usual, are partly right and partly wrong. The prophets of the recall are right when they argue that the courts, as at present organized and operated, are unbearably arbitrary, mountebankish and inefficient—and wrong when they argue that mob rule would be any better. And the foes of the recall are right when they argue that it would merely substitute trimming for tyranny and wrong when they argue that the exchange would be appreciably for the worse.
The truth, as always happens in such cases, lies between. On the one hand, it is obvious that the courts stand in sore need of a radical surgical operation, and, on the other hand, it is obvious that such operations are not best performed by persons with dirty finger nails. Thus the matter hangs in the air, and there it will hang until some truly wise man comes forward with a genuine solution. That solution will be no more simple than grammar, or laparotomy. The chances are, indeed, that it will be so complex that it will be entirely beyond the comprehension of the vulgar, and that, in consequence, it will be bitterly denounced and opposed as something heathenish and nefarious.
The woman’s suffrage question, the liquor question, the universal peace question and all other such great human questions are equally complex and recondite, and equally obfuscated by enthusiasts with simple solutions. In some of these cases the pudding has so many antagonistic ingredients that the proof of it is not even in the eating. The problem of woman’s suffrage, for example, is still unsolved, though woman’s suffrage has been on trial in a number of States for a long time and under all sorts of conditions. From the experience thus gained it may be argued quite soundly that the thing has succeeded gloriously—and with equal plausibility that it has failed miserably. The very same facts, indeed, are commonly adduced by both sides. It is in the facile interpretation of those facts that logic goes to pieces.
My best thanks to Hon. Jacobus Hook for a noble present of green lead pencils. I may say frankly that in the course of an experience of writing materials, extending over 42 years and embracing all known brands I have never saw no lead pencils more better than what these lead pencils is. Again my thanks—and assurances of my distinguished consideration. If I had any money, be sure, mon Colonel, that the Old Town Bank would get it.
The super-Mahon is now haranguing the church clubs on the subject, “Some of the Ways in Which Churchmen Can Make Themselves Helpful to Public Men.” Perhaps the best of all ways in the present case would be for them to stop reading the decent newspapers.
Inspired announcement in the official newspaper:
Friends of Speaker Clark * * * believe that a ticket sucb as Clark and Preston would be a winner.
Contribution of the head of the ticket to the party platform:
There are but two men in all the hoary registers of time that Grover Cleveland’s name ought to be associated with–Judas Iscariot and Benedict Arnold. Shades of Arnold, forgive the profanation! * * * Upon reflection I think I really ought to beg the pardon of Judas Iscariot. He did have the grace to go out and hang himself. [Speech in Congress May 3, 1898.]
Contribution of the tail of the ticket:
I would not appoint * * * men of the John Finney type. [Harangue at Eutaw House March 20, 1911.]
Topics of debate for our village debating clubs:
Resolved, That the super-Mahon is an even purer spirit than Sol Warfield. Resolved, That the boom has bust.
The initiative and referendum—the Peruna and Lydia Pinkham Vegetable Compound of politics.