Baltimore Evening Sun (6 April 1912): 6.

FROM the advance sheets of tho Almanach de Gotha for 1912, now in press:

Baltimore.
(Maison Mahoni).
1. Blanche Ainee.
Jaine-Henri I, roi de Baltimora, de Montagneville, de Ego-Ego, de Boisbaie, de Cap Locust, de Mont Vernon, des Halles de Marais, archduc de Ville Ancien, duc de Hampden, de Mont Druide, de Patterson, comte de Jardin Printemps, de Carroll, de Clifton, de Villecrane, de la Prairie, de la Mont Federal, seigneur de Roddyville, de Limerique, de Ethiope, de la Riviere Jones, de la Crique Gwynn, Maj. Imp. et Roy, general en chief du Legion X, chef de reg. de la garde noir, general en chef de l’armee et amiral en chef de la marine de la Baltimora-Terramarie, chef souverain et maitre de l’O. des Democrates Anciens, protecteur de l’O. des Fideles, chev. de la Pate, de la Prune, super-Mahon. Jean-Jacques (Fils) de Mahoni (branche regnante), premier duc de Baltimora, grand-duc des Halles de Marais, de Roulette, de Rouge-et-Noir, de Penochle, duc de Roddyville, de Limerique, de la Riviere Jones, general en chef de l’armee des entrepositaires, chef du reg. de la garde noir, du reg. des gardes de corps, chef du reg. d’inf. des gardes du antichambre legislatif, chev. de l’O. des Democrates Anciens. Francois de Mahoni de Kelle, margrave de Tenderloin, comte de Rue de Pin, de la Lumiere Rouge, seigneur de la Montmarte occidentale, de la Voie Blanc, colonel du reg. de la Main Noir, colonel du Legion X, chev. de l’O. des Democrates Anciens, colonel du reg. noir du antichambre legislatif. Robert-Joseph-Etienne-Antoine-Gustave-Edouard-Auguste-Charles-Pierre-Ferdinand-Benoit-Frederic de Mahoni-Padgette (ligne regnante royale), grand-duc de Asphalte, prince de Bitulithigue, comte de Brique Vitreaux, de Desert Orientale, des Halles de Marais et Belair, de Clifton, chef du Board des Awards, col. du reg. de dragons noir, col. du Legion X, chev. de l’O. d’Ane, des Democrates Anciens. Daniel- Joseph-Patrick-Michel-Herman-Rudolph-Guillaume de Mahoni de Lodin, comte palatin des Arrondissements Occidentales, duc do Concord, de Mont Clare, de Fulton, de Calverton, de Val des Serpents, seigneur du Pin, general en chef de l’armee des osseocaputs occidentales, chev. de l’O. des Democrates Anciens, de l’O. d’Ane.

2. Branche Cadette.
Salomon-David de Warfield et Mahoni, prince de Gaz, duc de Eau, de Annapolis, comte de Continent, col. du reg. d’inf. du antichambre legislatif, chev. de l’O. Baril, k. k. Schatzkanzler, Zahlmeister u. Cassierer. Samuel- Sanco-Samson- Salomon-Sigismond-Silvestre-Simeon-Sophocle-Stanislaus- Sophie- Simonide-Sebastien-Sejan-Silvain-Sardanapale-Sapho-Sixte-Salluste-Suzanne-Socrate des Champs de Mahoni-super-Mahoni, duc de Bryan, minister de Justice, avocat de la famille royale, chev. de l’O. des Democrates Anciens.

Ghosts haunting the caves and catacombs of the boomers:

The major-league baseball team.
The See-America-First convention.
The Star-Spangled Banner exposition.

The way them stuffers go around laughin’ you would think a circus was in town every day.

Reports from Kid Cochran’s roadhouse are that Young Anderson has so far recovered that he will soon begin active training. Meanwhile, the backers of Young Kid Price, Jr., show no eagerness to come to terms. But Young Anderson is determined to have a meeting and confident that he will put the ether to the Wicomico boy. Yesterday he favored the sporting reporters with the following wheeze:

The next Legislature will he without money and without Price.

The Hon. Jacobus Hook gives away 250 cigars a week and makes 100 new friends. But just think how many he would make if he didn’t give away the cigars!

And before the City Couucil adjourns for the summer the Back Basin will begin business * * * Oh, clothespins! Oh, coryza!

From “The Apaches of New York,” by the Hon. Alfred Henry Lewis:

With apologies to that order, the three links of the Odd Fellows are an example of the policeman, the criminal and the politician. The latter is the middle link and holds the other two together while keeping them apart.

To please some anonymous correspondent, who sends a box of cigars with it, I print the following bad and untimely epigram:

George Bernard, in his shavian way,
Defines the sexes human,
And while to him a man’s a man,
The other sex is—woo man!

The Hon. McCay McCoy is now putting in eight hours a day on his nominating speech—and calling me up three times an hour to got the correct spelling of hard words and to verify quotations from the poets. Ed Hirsch is complaining too.

So great is the demand for Presten buttons at the Johns Hopkins University that Bob Lee has had to send up another tub of them.

Contributions to the repertoire of manias and phobias:

Zeitungophobia—the fear of newspapers.
Zeitungomania—an insatiable thirst for publicity.
Acute Egoitis—a combination of zeitungophohia and zeitungomania, accompanied by hallucinations.

Boil your drinking water! Clean your back yard! Dose the little dears with sulphur and molasses! Root for Young Cleveland! Mallet the infant fly!

Cheer up! Soon summer will be here, and Back River will be in full bloom, and the pall will lift from Sunday!

Genuine billet-doux from an honest Old-Fashioned Democrat:

I am glad to see their is one man in Baltimore that has the sence to appreciate our old fashioned mare, hon. Harry Preston it makes real demacrats sick to the stumach to see the way these refformers let out a beller evry time a good party man gets a job in the city Hall I would rather have a real leder of the people like John Mahon or Frank Kelly than what I would rather have all the rotten refformers you could find. It is men like them old fashioned demacrats that I have mentianed who makes a town as I said before I am glad to see you have got sence enoug to see that the hon. harry Preston is sure to be the next visepresident of this country. And don’t you go forgeting it. I voted for him onct and Ile vote for him again.

The plous hope of a pious man, piously expressed. It is a pleasure to agree with the writer in all material particulars. I, too, voted for Harry, and I, too, hope to vote for him again. His enthusiasm, at times, may carry him over the borders of the comic, but it at least betokens an energetic, forthright and efficient man—one headed eternally in a definite direction and determined to make progress day by day, at whatever cost to our diaphragms and to his own arteries.

What has become, by the way, of those entertaining Monday morning articles upon the Sabbath, diversions of the super-Mahon—his profound ponderings of the higher problems of psychology and sociology, his gentle browsing in the works of Charles Dickens, his insatiable study of the life and character of the late Andrew Jackson? Certainly, literature is the loser for the turning off of that spigot of glucose.

Only eight days more! Ah, the bitterness of leaving Baltimore before the Hon. David H. Carroll meets the Right Hon. James McC. Trippe in rebuttal!