Baltimore Evening Sun (2 April 1912): 6.

THE FREE LANCE

Let this be said for the Legislature just hauled to the dump: it might have been worse. And that, perhaps, is the highest praise that cam ever be given to a General Assembly of Maryland. It is also the highest praise that can ever be given to a dead cat.

If you went to know what chance a reformer has got in the City Council, just think of a rat out to the dog pound.

Ten thousand dollars cash for any argument, not palpably satirical or insane, against the extension of the suffrage to women.

Ten thousand dollars cash for any argument, not palpably satirical or insane, in favor of the extension of the suffrage to women.

Boil your drinking water! Then disinfect it! Then vaccinate it! Then perfume it! Then drink something else!

Them Johns Hopkins professors may have got away with it this onct, but next time Harry’ll use bloodhounds on ’em.

The super-Mahon’s backhanded praise of the Right Hon. James McC. Trippe, from the current issue of the supermahonic weekly:

It was the advice he [Jim] received from the Mayor which has probably enabled him to make the brilliant record which he has made.

A pleasant thought for the right honorable gentleman to cherish and digest.

Anderson ain’t skeered no more. A licked man is done bein’ skeered. But I wouldn’t be surprised none if some of them country Senators wasn’t skeered some.

The Hon. McCay McCoy wins--and by 40 noses! Until a week ago it seemed certain that the honor of nominating the Hon. the super-Mahon for Vice-President of the United States would go to the Hon. James McC. Trippe, his Annapolis agent. But the astonishing treason of the Hon. Mr. Trippe, in the matter of the Natural Gas and Johns Hopkins bills, swung thousands of organization votes from him, and most of those votes, it now appears, went to the Hon. Mr. McCoy. Incidentally, there entered a new candidate, hitherto unknown to the race--the Hon. Sol Warfield, to wit, that great friend of the plain people. But let us got to the returns. Thus the vote stood when the polls closed at noon yesterday:

The Hon. McCay McCoy.....................................32,798
The Hon. Him Trippe...........................................18,234
The Hon. Sol Warfield.........................................18,232
The Hon. Harry S. Cummings..............................18,107
The Hon. Jacobus Hook.......................................14,654
The Hon. Aristides Sopbocles Goldsborough......13,578
The Hon. S. S. Field, LL. D. ................................12,540
The Hon. Bob Lee.................................................11,432
The Hon. Berney Lee............................................11,267
The Hon. Francis K. Carey...................................10,970
The Hon. John Walter Smith................................10,765
The Hon. J. M. T. Finney, M. D. .........................10,432
The Hon. Mr. Fred................................................10,107
The Hon. Ed Hirsch..............................................10,000


No doubt the late martyrdom of the Hon. Mr. McCoy, no less than the treasons of the Hon. Mr Trippe, helped to win the coveted and distinguished honor for the former. Tears often make votes, as the Hon. super-Mahon will tell you, and as the Hon. the late Bobb Carr won’t tell you. But whatever the cause, ballots marked for the Hon. Mr. McCoy began to arrive in large packets early yesterday morning and when the vote was counted it was found that the honorable gentleman was more then 14,000 ahead of the Hon. Mr. Trippe, and so he wins the nominator’s megaphone and laurel and will have his humble share in that larger immortality which awaits the super-Mahon.


The 18,232 votes for the Hon. Sol Warfield arrived at 11.48 o’clock in a single package marked “20,000.” But a recount showed a certain overabundance of enthusiasm on the part of the honorable gentleman’s watchers and tellers, and so 1,769 had to be deducted. The Hon. Jacobus Hook, who had but 9,656 votes on Saturday, added more than 5,000 to that number by energetic Sunday campaigning, and the Hon. Harry S. Cummings, largely through the efforts of the Druid Hill Avenue Preston Club, with its 1,200 members, jumped from 10,766 to 18,107. All the others appearing on the final list made large gains, including the Hon. John M. T. Finney, M. D., whose support may be viewed, perhaps, as largely satirical, for he is not believed to be conscientiously in favor of the super-Mahon’s nomination, though sensible of the nobility and intelligence of the man.


In the final list only those candidates who received more than 10,000 votes are given. Among the others who received votes from time to time one observes the Hon. Messrs.:

George Lewis, Frank Kelly,
Wm. H. Anderson, Charlie Dickey,
King Bill Garland, J. Albert Hughes,
Charlie Linthicum, Jerome Joyce,
Willim J. Ogden, Charlis Konig,
Alex. Preston, Jim Van Sickle,
Lawrason Riggs, Ed Quarles,
Young Peter Jackson, Josh Lynch,
Henry Joesting, Jr., Edward McLevi, Sr.,
Wm. S. Bryan, Jr., Eugene O’Dunne,
Edgar P. Dobson, John Hubert,
Public Man Biggs, Buck Munyon, M.D.,
A. Lincoln Herford, Doc Heller,
Lee Carey, Honest Bob Padgett,
Jack Dunn, Sam Bernard,
Edward Rossmann, Doc Osler,
Roger Cull, Carville D. Benson,
Billy Hamilton, Hans Froelicher, Ph. D.,
Edgar Allan Poe, Elmer Cook,
Raleigh C. Smith, Bob Crain,
Isaac Lobe Straus, Bill Page,
Trauty Trautfelter, Omar Hershey,
Andy Burns, George Koenicks,
Charlie Whiteford, Abe Ulman,
Dan Loden, Harry Wolf,
Tom Boggs, Milton Altfelt,
H. L. Mencken, Austin L. Crothers,
Lydia Pinkham, Pat Maloy,
John O’Malley, Pete Campbell,
Americus, Ananias Club Wright,
Al Owens, Booker Clift,
Frank Brown, Sr., Sonny Mahon, Sr.,
Sherlock Swann, Eddie Foy,
Jack Johnson, Joe Weber,
George Numsen, Joe Brattan,
James L. Kernan, Lew Fields,
Kid Cochran, Max Ways,
De Wolf Hopper, Bibbs Mills, LL. D.,
Doc Carroll, Howard Harman,
Hugh Young, M.D., Gill Dailey,
Ed Bastjer, Chas. J. Bonaparte,
The St. Mary’s County, Andy Preller,
Bully, Gus Binswanger,
Duke Bond, Barry Mahool.


The Hon. Mr. McCay McCoy has accepted the honor thus conferred upon him in a free plebiscite and will at once proceed to the preparation of his speech. Meanwhile, the disquieting rumor persists that the Hon. the super-Mahon, afraid to trust his candidacy to a mere spellbinder, however eloquent, will jump upon the stage when the rollcall of States begins and nominate himself. As his masseurs and parasites are so fond of saying, he is pre-eminently a man who does things. Well, here will be his supreme chance to do something.


If Bob Padgett don’t get his fair share of them paving contracts, and then some, all I got to say is, then I won’t believe in no signs no more.


Only 13 days more of toil and moil! Then the escape to Bavaria--and the unaccustomed air of civilization!