Baltimore Evening Sun (26 March 1912): 6.

From the Sunpaper’s report of last night’s braying in the City Council:

During the discussion Mr. Garland, of the THird ward, took a fling at the independent press of the city.

If anyone doubts the Hon. Mr. Garland’s qualifications for judging the independent press of Baltimore, then all he need do is to inspect the record of Part 2 of the Criminal Court for the days of February 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8, 1909.

Bob Padgett can smell a pie through six foot of brick--and he never goes away without sugar on his nose.

Bullir Sie das agua! Hervir la leche! Socorrer Enrico! Matar la cantarida!

Less than a week more of jockeying and wirepulling at Annapolis, the accursed! Then jobs for the faithful and the ax for traitors--and all spotlights concentrated again upon the one August Being!

From political Munyons and Lydia Pinkhams, and their satellitious flatterers, ticklers, press agents, masseurs and parasites--good Lord, deliver us!

Eleven cheap but clean cigars to dear old McMains, camerlengo of the medical freedomists, etc., etc., for any evidence, etc., etc., etc.

Which somehow recalls the fact that the Vice Crusade is also on the Sick List.

The more them boys down to Annapolis call Anderson a fake, the more he seems to deliver the goods.

The Public Health and Marine Hospital Service, that diabolical foe to Peruna, Christian Science and Old-Fashioned Democracy, is sending out a vernal bulletin upon the subject of typhoid fever, and, as usual, Baltimore cuts a considerable figure in the statistics. The following table, showing the number of typhoid deaths per 100,000 of population in the first-class cities of the United States for the year 1910, the last year for which figures are given, is sufficient proof of our pre-eminence:

Baltimore.....................42. St. Louis.......................14.9
Pittsburgh.....................27.8 Chicago........................13.7
Cleveland.....................17.9 New York.....................11.6
Philadelphia.................17.5 Boston..........................11.3

Even more impressive is the comparison with various large cities abroad. I select nine that are approximately of Baltimore’s population:

Baltimore...............................42. Leeds....................................3.8
Leipzig................................... 7.5 Copenhagen.........................3.6
Rotterdam.............................. 6.7 Munich.................................1.4
Glasgow................................. 6.4 Frankfort.............................. .9
Liverpool............................... 3.9 Edinburgh............................ .3

In other words, Baltimore had nearly six times as much typhoid, in 1910, as Leipzig, more than six times as much as Rotterdam and Glasgow, more than 10 times as much as Liverpool, 11 times as much as Leeds and Copenhagen, exactly 30 times much as Frankfort-a-M. and 140 times as much as Edinburgh!

But perhaps the figures for 1910 do us some injustice. We had a full-fledged typhoid epidemic during the summer of that year, with 234 deaths. Let us take a more favorable year--to wit, 1909, when the deaths number but 136, or fully 60 below the average. Well, here are the figures for 1909:

Baltimore.............................24.9 Rotterdam........................6.1
Glasgow...............................12.5 Copenhagen.....................2.7
Liverpool............................. 8.4 Munich............................1.7
Leipzig................................. 8.3 Frankfort..........................1.5
Leeds.................................... 7.2 Edinburgh........................1.2

It thus appears that even in 1909, with a typhoid death rate far below our average, we had nearly twice as much typhoid as Glasgow, three times as much as Liverpool, Leipzig or Leeds, nearly four times as much as Rotterdam, nine times as much as Copenhagen, 14 times as much as Munich, 16 times as much as Frankfort and more than 20 times as much as Edinburgh. The only large Northern European city which rivaled us in that very lucky year was St. Petersburg, which showed 25.2. Our next most dangerous competitor was Dublin, which showed 15.7. In all Northern Europe, including Russia, there were but six cities with records greater than one-half of Baltimore’s! They were Glasgow, Dublin, Manchester, Moscow, Warsaw and St. Petersburg-three in the British Isles and three in the domain of the Czar. Not a single German city showed more than 8.3. Not a single Scandinavian city showed more than 5.

First the newspapers make a sensation, and then the grand jury goes to work and indicts somebody, and then you don’t hear nothing about it no more.

On March 4, 1913 Baltimore will be hung with crape, the church bells will toll and minute guns will boom from the portico of the City Hall. And the day afterward, with Harry stolen from us, the city will begin to go to the demnition bow-wows. The public schools will fall into the hands of pundits and theorists, Sunday novel reading will spread like a pestilence, street paving will be handed over to reformers and rascals, the First Branch of the City Council will lose its courage, and the trade of the town will shrink to zero. Let us take time by the forelock.

It don’t hardly seem like you hear scarcely nothing no more about no boom no more.

Whenever Dr. Paul Ehrlich dreams of the Maryland Anti-Vivisection Society he emits such blood-curdling shrieks of terror that the whole Frankfort police force comes up at the gallop.

Boil your drinking water! Get a Harry button! Cremate your milk! Cover your garbage can! Get ready for the opening of River View! Swat the fly!

Whatever the issue of the combat between the Hon. William H. Anderson and the Hon. Bob Crain, there is One in this town who will chuckle over the compound fracturing of an enemy.

A plug hat for the name and address of spiritualist, recently bathed, who can do all of the standard tricks in a finished and convincing fashion. No messages from Little Brighteyes and Rain-in-the-Face wanted! Huxley and Ingersoll--or nothing!

Mizu niru! Chichi taku! Tetsudau Harry-san! Hito-wo-korosu das hai!

Boli via akvo! Kuiristo la kalto! Helpo Hendiko! Perfide mortigi la muso!

Only 20 days more! Then the grand escape from toil--and seven days of rest upon the dark, damp Atlantic!