Baltimore Evening Sun (23 March 1912): 6.


Saved, b’gosh! Thanks to the Hon. Blair Lee–or is it to the Hon. Bob Crain, that Machiavelli?–Baltimore is saved from the horrific maw of the Local Option hobgoblin! To have dried up the town by inches, first one ward and then another, and so on until but one or two wards remained--this, perhaps, would have been possible, particularly with so skillful a fellow as the Hon. William H. Anderson on the job. But to dry up the whole town at one foul operation--this, I take it, is beyond the realm of practicable deviltry.

Therefore, let all good drinking men rejoice. Two days ago it seemed certain that the Hon. Mr. Anderson would triumph unopposed. He had knocked out the Trippes, one by one, and rolled them into the gutter. He had struck terror to the heart of Mahon and super-Mahon. But with the entrance of the Hon. Blair Lee--or was it the Hon. Bob Crain?–his walkover was metamorphosed into a hot and equal combat--and now he has wisely decided to end it by accepting a reasonable compromise.

In the midst of the cheers, but one word remains to be said. And that is this: Don’t get the notion, messieurs, that the Hon. Mr. Anderson is disposed of. He has been halted, true enough, and for two years Baltimore will remain a civilized town, but don’t assume, I prithee, that there is no more sulphur in his system! Most of his victories so far must be credited to the fact that his opponents have chronically underestimated him. If he is to be beaten in 1914 then he must be beaten in fair and open fight--and the only way to make that fight fair and open is to throw the political wirepullers and mountebanks overboard and appeal directly to the common sense and self-interest of the people.

WHAT HARRY THINKS OF HIMSELF [An autobiographical note in his weekly paper.]

His zealous performance of every public duty, his intelligent comprehension of every municipal problem, and his ceaseless activity and vigilance in familiarizing himself with the work of every city department, constitutes a unique and original chapter in the history of our local government.

Obviously, Harry has never heard of the Hon. Thomas G. Hayes. It is the opinion of many persons, not legally insane, that the Hon. Mr. Hayes also performed his duties with zeal, that he too had intelligence, and that he too showed “activity and vigilance” in studying the work of the various city departments--and what is more, that he managed to do these things without posturing incessantly before a mirror, and without hiring a claque to applaud him, and without mingling the public good so artfully with the good of personal friends and political roustabouts.

How the vote stands in the grand contest for the selection of a rhetorician to nominate H. M. the super-Mahon for the Vice-Presidency:

The Hon. Isaac Lobe Straus..............5,360
The Hon. James McC. Trippe..............4,792
The Hon. Jacobus Hook..............4,117
The Hon. Harry S. Cummings..............4,104
The Hon. Bob Lee..............2,360
The Hon. McCay McCoy..............2,084
The Hon. Aristides Sophocles Goldsborough..............1,850
The Hon. Mr. Fred..............1,790
The Hon. Francis K. Carey..............1,765
The Hon. John Walter Smith..............1,487
The Hon. William H. Anderson..............1,269
The Hon. Bob Carr..............1,100
The Hon. Edward Rossmann..............998
The Hon. H. L. Mencken..............974
The Hon. S. S. Field, LL. D...............860
The Hon. Edgar F. Dobson..............813
The Hon. Isidor Rayner..............730
The Hon. D. J. Loden, J. P., ret..............727
The Hon. J. M. T. Finney, M. D...............658
The Hon. John O’Malley..............521

In order to save space, only candldates receiving 500 votes or more are here given. Among those who came near getting in today are the Hon. Messrs. Billy Hamilton, Alec Preston, Edgar Poe, George Lewis, George Konig, Trauty Trautfelter and John Hubert. The votes for the Hon. Isaac Lobe Straus seem to be coming from the City Hall, where word has been passed down the line, I am informed, that he is the super-Mahon’s favorite. But the Hon. James McC. Trippe also has friends there and the following of the Hon. Jacobus Hook remains unshaken. Meanwhile, the Druid Hill Avenue Preston Club floods me with votes for the Hon. Harry S. Cummings, Liberian minister of the super-Mahon.

Here is the voting coupon. Fill it out, sign your name and send it to the Judge of Elections, in care of The Evening Sunpaper:

For the distinguished honor of placing the H. M. the super-Mahon in nomination as Democratic candidate for Vice-President of the United States, I vote for
The Hon. ...........................................
(Signed) ................................

From some fellow with a mania for mathematical accuracy:

You say that the ratio of jackasses to intelligent men in the First Branch of the City Council is as 4 is to 1. Is this quite correct? Wouldn’t “as 6 to 1" be nearer the truth? --Saved!-- Perhaps it would--but I stick to “as 4 is to 1" and so avoid all charges of exaggeration. The First Branch has 24 members, which leads to the assumption, by my ratio, that 6 of them are intelligent. With some of the members of the present Branch I have but slight acquaintance, but I honestly believe that it would be possible to find 6 reasonably intelligent men among them--6 men fully as intellgent, at any rate, as the average bartender or school teacher.

Intelligence is not a thing that can be measured with exactness. Definitions of it differ widely. I take it to mean ordinary agility and alertness of mind. An intelligent man is one who can think with reasonable ease and swiftness and set forth his ideas with reasonable clarity. Education often awakens and quickens intelligence; but many very intelligent men are only slightly educated. Contrariwise, many highly educated men are not intelligent. If you don’t believe this last, you have only to read any text-book of pedagagy, psychotherapy or psychical research.

Considering only its acts, it is easy to underestimate the intelligence of the First Branch. But let us not forget here that many of those acts are inspired. not by the sober thought of the members, but by considerations of expediency--the need, for example, of flattering the super-Mahon or of propitiating constituents. Every man, in his journey through life, must constantly sacrifice his intelligence and his self-respect to his necessities. All of us do it daily, else we should starve, and so we had better be chary about denouncing City Councilmen for doing it too.

Bouillez votre Eau a boire! Cuisez votre lait! Assistez Henri!