Baltimore Evening Sun (16 January 1912): 6.

For Vice-President of the United States: The Hon. Henricus Invictus, of Maryland. —— Platform (abridged): Down with the Sunpaper!

Now cometh the Hot Towel with the news that its “many—yes, a great many—successful candidates for the Presidency” who were “placed there by the abuse and ridicule of the very young men of those days” were the following, to wit:

The Hon. Grover Cleveland.

Well, let us admit, for the sake of argument, that Mr. Cleveland was not merely one President, but “many—yes, a great many.” But was he “placed there” by the “abuse and ridicule of very young men”? If so, who were those very young men? Come, Emile, name a few of them. And failing that, name one of them. The Honest Motorman waits.

What with S. S. Field drawin’ up ordinances for Harry, and Stovey Brown drawin’ up bills for Sonny, it don’t hardly seem like there ain’t no more reformers left on the job no more.

A letter from a poor man oppressed by economic cruelty:

Why don’t you newspapers make some kick about the raising of the price of beer? In former times, a six-cent growler was enough for me, my wife and my three children, aged 7, 5 and 3. Now the bartenders cut it down and six cents’ worth is hardly enough for me, let alone my wife and the little ones.

Obviously, a case demanding the prompt interference of the Public Service Commission.

Boil your drinking water! Root for ———ing Harry! Cover your garbage can! Dodge the tax-Mahon! Keep the growler moving!

Whether Stovey done it or never done it, you can bet Sonny Mahon hogs all the credit fer it.

Next Saturday, January 20, will be the third anniversary of the suits against the four former Sheriffs of Baltimore for the recovery of fees illegally (or rather, unconstitutionally) retained by them. It was on January 20, 1909, that State Auditor George N. Ash turned in his report to Governor Crothers. Since then three years have come and gone, but the cases have not yet come to trial. In celebration of this great triumph of modern jurisprudence, the Supreme Bench and the Grand Jury will hold no sessions on Saturday. Instead there will be a general meeting of bench and bar, with speeches, music and refreshments. At the stroke of noon a salute of 21 guns will be fired from the battlements of the Courthouse.

Sage remark by the head dialectician of the Daily Hot Towel:

A Hot Towel is always preferred to a Wet Blanket.

A deduction, no doubt, from the fact that it always brings forth a larger tip.

SAYINGS OF HARRY. You send in your advertisement—and you get your editorial.

An anti-vivisectionist is one who gags at a guinea pig and swallows a baby. Old, but excellent.

Only 1,218 days more! Alas, the days seem longer than they really are! But only 1,218 more!

The rhythmic swish of the hot and caressing towel:

The title of Mayor deserves respect.

It mout be. But let us proceed from the title to the man. How now?

Now that the Hon. ———ing Harry is assured of second place on the ticket, the one thing that remains is to select a standard-bearer with arterio-sclerosis.

Is the Hon. Charles H. Dickey to be balked of his banquet? Of course not. Mr. Crain, to be sure, has declined to be the prima donna, but would it be difficult to find Another and Greater?

One thing is sure, and that is you won’t never be able to scare no more stuffers with no more talk about no more indictments no more.

Some bilious purist, addressing the Editor of the Sunpaper in yesterday’s Letter Column, undertook to lambast that ancient and highly respectable gazette for its growing use of slang. In particular, he objected to the use of the word “job” in these sentences:

The Mayor will be on the job at the City Hall again tomorrow. Governor Goldsborough is tackling his job.

And why did he object to this use? First, on the ground that it was inconsistent with the dignity of the Sunpaper. Secondly, on the ground that it was disrespectful to the functionaries referred to. Thirdly, on the ground that it was “loose and careless.”

Rubbish! Far from being loose and careless, it was undoubtedly premeditated and deliberate. And far from being disrespectful to the two functionaries, it was in almost exact accord with their character and importance. And far from being infra dig for the Sunpaper, it was evidence of an honest and laudable desire on the part of that excellent journal to convey the news of the day to its readers, simply, straightforwardly and in terms immediately comprehensible to all of them.

What is slang? Slang is verbal shorthand, or, in the words of the late Prof. William James, “a short cut in language.” That is to say, it is an attempt to reduce complex images to simple, terms. The very same definition answers for metaphor—which brings us at once to the fact that slang and metaphor are identical. The poet says that some damsel he admires is a rose; the car conductor says that sbe is a peach. Each, in his separate way, tries to reduce a long description to a single word, and without losing any essential element. And each succeed.

There is, of course, profane and obscene slang, but with this we have nothing to do here, for no newspaper deals in it. And there is again the painfully elaborate and artificial slang of vaudeville, but here again we are not concernedm for such slang, being more difficult of comprehension than the exact speech it essays to supplant, fails to achieve the purpose of a short cut. But the slang that re-

[Continued later on—perhaps.]