Baltimore Evening Sun (7 November 1911): 6.

From some bilious cuss who hides behind a learned alias comes this note:

You are a

of a mathematician. Here you tell us today (Monday) that we are to have 1,293 days more of J. Harry, whereas the fact is that we are to have but 1,287 days. Can’t you count? Harry has three full years ahead of him, to begin with–or 1,095 days. In addition, he has the time between today (November 6) and May 16. Work it out yourself. It comes to 192 days. Add 192 to 1,095 and you get 1,287–which is the actual length of time that handsome fellow is to boss us. You give him 6 days too many. Hippocrates O’Chios.

It must be. I confess that I am no mathematician. I’d gladly refer the question to a committee of Johns Hopkins pundits–but all the pundits of that unspeakable seminary are prejudiced against the super-Mahon. The chances are that they would reduce his term, by immoral academic fiat, to 1,000 days, perhaps even to 100. They dislike the man. They do not wish him well.

Therefore, I am forced to temporize, to compromise. By my own laborious calculations, the Hon. James Harry Preston, counting from today, has 1,292 days more to serve; by the calculations of the Hon. H. O’Chios he has but 1,286. Let us split the difference and make it 1,289.

If 1,289 is inaccurate, if it is still three times too many, let it stand nevertheless. It will take fully three days, and perhaps fully three weeks, to pry the Hon. James Harry Preston loose from the Mayoral throne at the conclusion of his reign. My private fear is that dynamite will have to be used, and if not dynamite, then at least a steam wince and an hydraulic jack. A fixed and immovable fellow! A fellow hard to budge!

Have you voted for Carr? If not, have you so heart!

Those persons who make a business of denouncing and belittling the Hon. James Preston seem to be getting a lot of comfort out of Dr. John M. T. Finney’s call to Princeton University. In brief, they accept it as a stinging reproof of the Hon. Mr. Preston–a harsh and devastating criticism of the public bouncing of the Hon. Dr. Finney.

The truth is, of course, that it is nothing of the sort. On the contrary, it is actually proof that the Hon. Mr. Preston acted prudently and honestly when he slipped the rollers under the Hon. Dr. Finney. The business before him, let it be remembered clearly, was not that of organizing an intelligent school Board, but that of organizing an unintelligent School Board. He had promised to do so; he had been elected on his promise to do so; he was in honor bound to do so. And, as everyone knows, he done so.

The thing the foes of the Hon. Mr. Preston constantly overlook is the fact that he is a sincere believer in democracy—perhaps the only one among us. He believes—or at least he acts in accordance with such a belief—that the common people are gifted, through Divine favor, with omnipotence and omniscience; that they are entitled to decide all great matters of state as they please, and that they always decide sapiently; that they are right even when they are obviously wrong. Accordingly, he follows them, obeys them, carries out their mandates. As a civilized man, he may sometimes question the wisdom of the orders he receives, but be never questions the wisdom of executing them.

In the spring, as everyone knows, the common people indicated clearly that they yearned for the scalp of the Hon. Dr. Finney. They feared and detested the fellow: he was too intelligent, too saturated with learning, too contemptuous of honest imbecility. The super-Mahon, notiung this fact, raised the cry of sorcery against the Doctor, and promised faithfully to can the Doctor if elected. Upon that platform he was elected–and as a man of honor he proceeded at once to the canning. Where the Doctor sat at the School Board council table an aching vacuum suddenly appeared. A smell of smoke was in the air.

The present apotheosis of Dr. Finney does not stab and torture the Hon. Mr. Preston. On the contrary, it soothes and caresses him. It is proof positive that he judged the Doctor correctly. It is proof positive that when he accused the Doctor of the unmanly vice of being too intelligent, of having knowledge in him, of knowing more than a respectable man can afford to know, his accusation had merit. His judgment, in brief, stands vindicated, and vindicated it will continue to stand until, by some foul practical joke of the gods, the presidency of Harvard is offered to the Hon. H. Joesting, Jr.

A few hours remain. Go out and vote for Carr! A vote for Carr is a vote for manly sobs!

From an address entitled “What Newspapers Can’t Do,” by Livy S. Richards, editor of the Boston Common, delivered lately at Madison, Wisconsin:

When Fremont Older, managing editor of the San Francisco Bulletin, and Spreckles and Heney were trying to rid their city of grafters, they were applauded most enthusiastically in the organs of public opinion while they aimed their disclosures at the slimy small-fry thieves who pillaged prostitutes and padded public payrolls, but when they went for the rascals higher up they were accused of hurting business, defaming the fair name of their city and venting business jealousy.

By which it appears that San Francisco, too, has its “fair” newspapers, its alert guardians of the municipal honor, its virtuous foes of scandal.

Vote for Carr! And if you have already voted for McNulty, at least weep for Carr!

The problem of disposing of the 200-odd indictments against election officials will soon present itself to the ruling camorra. My spies inform me that two plans are under consideration. One is the plan of letting a case or two go to trial, in the faith that the common people are firmly against the whole business and will prove it in the jury box by a disagreement if not by an actual acquittal. The other is the plan of appointing a committee of “leading” lawyers to “investigate” the matter, and to certify, after that “investigation,” that the evidence is insufficient to convict, or that the law is in some way unconstitutional, or otherwise defective. The latter plan has many points in its favor. Baltimore is full of jurisconsults who would be happy and proud to serve upon such a committee. The enterprise, indeed, is one which must needs make a powerful appeal to the “leading” lawyer. It meets his notion of public service exactly.

Contributions to the new dictionary of American synonyms for married:

Convicted crated captured Lohengrinned