Baltimore Evening Sun (2 November 1911): 6.

Only 1,297 days more! And then the super-Mahon will fade into history, and all that will remain of him will be the lingering echo of a sob!

Proposal for a nobby costume for passengers on the rear platforms of United Railways cars:

{illustration}

The shoes, knee guards and breeches are of acid-proof linoleum, and perfectly resistent to paperhangers’ posts, plumbers’ aci,. paint and whitewash. The atomizer is charged with a 90 per cent. solution of mercuric chloride and is for use upon fish baskets. The clothespin helps. The shoulder and ear guards protect the wearer against step ladders, gas pipes, garden implements and picture molding. In the helmet there is a sponge soaked in formaldehyde.

The Hon. Francis K. Carey in the Evening News of yesterday:

It seems to me that the best interests of the people of Baltimore and of the state of Maryland will be advanced by the election of the Republican ticket.

The Hon. Francis K. Carey in The Sun of April 22, 1911:

I am perfectly willing to say that it is my belief that his (the super-Mahon’s) term of office will not record any backward step, and that there is much reason for believing that he will use his great influence with the people who voted for him to bring them to the support of still greater advances in good government.

Obviously, the Hon. Francis K. Carey is a prophet of mathematically accurate prevision, a seer beyond compare, an adviser of almost miraculous sapience. What wealth he might roll up in a red mother hubbard, wearing large brass earrings and onyx-studded brass knuckles, sitting in the romantic darkness of a side-show tent—and telling fortunes at 10 cents a head, or three for a quarter!

REWARD!!!

A liberal reward will be paid to any person who offers one intelligible reason not obviously maudlinm or satirical, for voting for the Hon. J. Albert Hughes, the Hon. John J. Mahon’s candidate for Sheriff of Baltimore, next Tuesday.

The vocabulary of the Sob Squad, that pathetic herd of martyrs:

Sobbist–One who sobs his way into a job. Sobistry—The fallacy that whoever weeps should be comforted. Sobold-A furtive, imperfect sob; a sniffle. Sobnambulism—The act or habit of sobbing in one’s sleep. Sobicide—The act of impaling oneself upon imaginary newspaper poinards. Sobsucker—A sucker who votes for a sobbist. Sobology—The art or mystery of winning votes by sobbing.

From The Evening Sun of yesterterday afternoon:

The Charter Commission met at 1 o’clock to continue the discussion which began yesterday, and will report to the Committee of Seventeen at 3.30. This committee will report to the Committee of Fifty at 4 o’clock tomorrow afternoon, and the Committee of Fifty will report to the general meeting at the call of Chairman Charles H. Dickey.

A dazzling example of the technique of the Prominent Baltimorean! Here is a whole andante developed from one note–and that note a sour one!

From the sobs of Mr. Carr, and the apologies of a certain Public Man, and the difference between “who” and “whom,” and Rubinstein’s Melody in F, and newspaper virtue, and the dative case in German, and sticky piano keys, and the Red Cross Committee, and anti-vaccinationists, and the saccharine novels of F. Hopkinson Smith, and grass butter, and grass widows. and Old Subscribers, and eczema, and loose false teeth—kind fates, deliver us!

The new encyclopedia of fearful and incurable maladies:

Hughesis—Chronic pathos. Prominentbaltimoreanophobia—The fear of obscurity.

The Voice of the People, as the zephyrs bounce it in:

What did I tell you? Ain’t the whole thing blowed up and bust?

The super-Mahon! The super-Mahon! Go grab him, boomers, if you can! And when you grab him, let him go–for that’s the style of Baltimo’.

The Charleston News and Courier, in an editorial article, calls attention to the fact that Baltimore is winning the pennant this year, not only in the National Typhoid League, but also in the National Municipal Grafters’ League. The News and Courier refers, with sneaking regret, to the gay days when the Charleston Club stood high in the former league. It says:

There was a time when Charleston was fighting for the top position in this organisation and boasted some of the most active bacilli then playing, but that was long ago. Since then, owing to changed conditions that are somewhat humiliating to old sports, most of our best batters have either signed with other leagues or joined other teams.

The people of Charleston, alas, are not true sports. Instead of supporting their club when it was in the running, they rotten-egged it, and now it is a miserable tail-ender.

But the Orioles, patriotically supported by public officials and public sentiment, march onward to the pennant, unbeatable and serene. Here is the standing of the clubs for the week ended October 7, as reported by the Public Health and Marine Hospital Service:

Baltimore.............. 1,075 Philadelphia.............. 258 Cleveland.............. 357 Chicago..................... 211 Boston................... 343 New York..................198 St. Louis................ 320 Pittsburgh.................. 131

The attention of typhoid fans now turns to the series of post-season games for the championship of the world between Baltimore, Constantinople, Rio de Janeiro and Shanghai. Negotiations are scarcely begun, but already the betting among the cognoscienti is at 3 to 1 on the Orioles.