Baltimore Evening Sun (13 October 1911): 6.
My spies bring me news that the following odds are now being offered by the honest sports of the downtown kaifs:
- 3 to 1 that Gorman will carry the state.
- 2 to 1 that Gorman will carry the city.
- Even money that Carr will carry the city.
- 1 to 3 that Hughes will carry the city.
- 3 to 1 that the judges and clerks now under indictment will now go free.
- 6 to 1 that Preston will serve out his full term.
Only 1,316 days more! Too long, O Lord, too long!
Another canto of our program of continuous vaudeville:
THE MERRY CURTAIN-RAISER
AWARDING THE CONTRACT
THE LOWEST RESPONSIBLE
With the following all-star cast:
Mayor.......................... James Harry Preston
Comptroller.......................James H. Preston
City Register...................... J. Harry Preston
City Solicitor............................J. H. Preston
President of Second Branch ..... Jim Preston
THE STRONG MAN
WILL MEET ALL COMERS ON THE MAT
A SCREAMING FARCE IN ONE ACT THE PROMINENT BALTIMOREAN
With the full strength of the company.
CARR & BROENING THE HEAVENLY TWINS
Hear the Grand Jury Troubadours in the Palm Room.
Fifteen minutes of clean mirth
S. S. FIELD
THE REFORMED REFORMER
In his budget of amusing whimsicalities.
Grand Platitudinizing Match
Police Gazette Diamond Belt
Championship Of The World
Between select teams representing the
Merchants And Manufacturers’
Greater Baltimore Committee
Loudon Prize Ring Rules--The boys to protect themselves at all times! No betting permitted at the ringside!
At all matinees the progress of the games in the National Typhoid League will be announced from the stage by innings.
Only 1,316 days more! But a day shall be as a thousand years!
More affecting evidences of newspaper virtue:
He said he didn’t care a d----.
“Go to h----l!” exclaimed the spokesman of the suffragettes.
Mr. Snodgrass testified that Mr. Moriarity had called him a ---- – – ------.
“The public be d------d!” said Mr. So-and-So.
The Rev. Dr. J. J. Jones delivered a sermon on “Infant D----nation.”
“H----lo,” answered the telephone operator.
*In American newspapers all politicians and prisoners at the bar bear the honorable title of “Mr.”
From the Greater Baltimore Committee, and neuralgia in the eyeball, and the works of Richard Harding Davis, and “La Dame aux Camelias,” and wet shoes, and Raff’s “Cavatina”—kind fates, deliver us!
Only 1,316 days more! But can we stand it—can we stand it!
The committee of “leading” lawyers appointed by the Royal Family to draw up a new charter satisfactory to “practical” men is making fast progress with its work, and I have been admitted to a glimpse of several specimen sections. For example:
Section 86. The City Engineer shall be the head of the first sub-department of Public Improvements, and shall be appointed by the Mayor, by and with the advice and consent of the Kitchen Cabinet. He shall be assisted by two persons of known sapience and prudence, the first of whom shall he appointed by the Mayor with the advice and consent of the Democratic Club of Baltimore City, and the other of whom shall be a appointed by the Mayor with the advice and consent of the Seventh Ward Democratic Club of Baltimore City. The said assistants, together with the said City Engineer, shall constitute the Board of Contracts and Awards of the said sub-department of Public Improvements.
Section 87. It shall be the duty of the said board to draw up all specifications for paving or repaving streets, avenues. Boulevards, courts, innes or alleys, in the city of Baltimore, and to this work its several members shall devote the full horsepower of their cunning. And after the said specifications have been drawn up, and bids have been duly asked for and received, it shall be the duty of the said board to award each and every contract to the lowest responsible bidder. The word “responsible,” as used in this section, shall be synonymous with “satisfactory,” and the said board shall be authorized and empowered to frame a definition of “satisfactory,” and to change it from time to time, as the emergencies of the hour suggest.
A few additional extracts, taken at. random:
Section 36. The Board of Estimates shall be the head of the third sub-department of Finance, and shall consist of the Mayor, the Mayor, the Mayor, the Mayor and the Mayor * * * The Mayor shall be President of said Board, and shall act as secretary. * * *
Section 210. The Said First Branch shall consist of one member from each ward of the City, selected by the ward boss of the dominant party for the said ward, and representing him. No person shall be a member of the First Branch who has ever attended any college or university in the United States, or who uses the phrases “I saw” and “I shall” in his common discourse, or who is, as a matter of common knowledge, a man of ordinary good sense. *
Section 71. The Commissioner of Health shall be the head of the second sub-department of Public Safety. It shall be his duty so to sophisticate and modify the mortality statistics of Baltimore City that the death-rate for the said City shall not appear to be more than 50 per cent. greater than the average death-rate among the other cities of the United States of more than 100,00 population. * * *
Only 1,315 days more! A darn long while! And yet–and yet—We must choose between the super-Mahon and the Rescuers. How say you, gentlemen of the jury? As for me, I confess frankly that I incline toward the super-Mahon. He has his faults. He offends the cultivated mind. And yet, after all, he is a fellow who knows what he wants, and who goes about getting it in an open and intelligible fashion. He made his campaign without evasion. He told the common people exactly what he was going to give them–and now he is giving it to them. Let us admit his virtues. He declares himself clearly. He delivers the goods.
Do the Rescuers declare themselves clearly? Is there any probability that they will deliver the goods? I doubt it. You doubt it. All of us doubt it. The truants from Greenmount have deceived us before. Let us be deceived no more. Let us choose the lesser of two evils. Let us flop to the super-Mahon.