Baltimore Evening Sun (3 June 1911): 6.

THE FREE LANCE

LOOK OUT for automobiles! Swat the fly! Boil your drinking water! Watch the City Council!


Why not a clean sweep? The commission plan, at best, is merely a compromise between government by experts and government by fools. Why not go the whole hog? Here, for example, is a New Charter which, whatever its defects otherwise, would at least attract first-class men to the Mayoralty and give the winner a fair chance when he got into office:


An Act to repeat Article 4, entitled City of Baltimore, of the Code of Public Local Laws of Maryland, and the several acts and parts of acts amendatory thereof, and to re-enact said Article 4, with amendments.

Be it enacted by the General Assembly of Maryland, That Article 4, entitled City of Baltimore, of the Code of Public Local Laws of Maryland, and the several acts and parts of acts amendatory thereof, be and the same are hereby repealed, and the said Article 4 is hereby re-enacted, with amendments, as follows:

1. The inhabitants at the city of Baltimore, without regard to sex, who shall be between the ages of 28 and 65 years, who shall be natives of the United States and who shall have paid into the treasury of the city of Baltimore in direct taxes during each of the three calendar years preceding the passage of this act the sum of at least $100, shall, on the Tuesday next after the first Monday in May following the date of the passage of this act, and at such other times as are hereinafter provided, elect by secret ballot a person of known integrity, experience and sound judgment, and qualified to vote under this Act, to be Mayor or Superintendent of the city of Baltimore; provided, that no person shall be elected Mayor who has ever held any office of trust or profit, appointive or elective, under the city of Baltimore or the State of Maryland, or who has ever held membership in any political club or association, of whatever sort, in the United States; and provided further that no person shall be qualified to vote at said election who holds or has ever held any such office, or belongs to or has ever belonged to any such club or association.

2. The said Mayor or Superintendent shall be charged with the government, administration and regulation of the whole city of Baltimore, and shall have power to make ordinances and orders at his will, and to repeal or modify them at his will; and he shall also have power, without consultation or other process, to appoint such in municipal officials, officers and employees, of whatever degree, as he may think necessary, and to define their duties and fix their compensation, and to remove them or transfer them at his will, and all such officials, officers and employees shall be responsible to him, and to him alone, for the performance of their duties.

3. The said Mayor or Superintendent shall enjoy, in his own person, all and sundry of the rights, privileges and prerogatives hitherto granted, under Article 4, entitled City of Baltimore, of the Code of Public Local Laws of Maryland, and by any and all other acts, to the Mayor and city council of Baltimore or to any board, commission or officer of the City or Baltimore; and especially the right to acquire property by condemnation, the right to levy a tax upon the inhabitants of the city of Baltimore, the right to exercise the power commonly known as the Police Power, the right to issue licenses, the right to regulate the schools, sewers, parks, streets, avenues, squares, springs, markets, streams, jails, hospitals, wharves, docks and asylums of the city of Baltimore, and the right to grant franchises, under whatever terms may seem to him wise, to public service and other corporations and persons.

4. The said Mayor or Superintendent shall receive, during his first year in office, a salary of $50,000, and during each subsequent year that salary shall be advanced by $5,000 until it reaches $75,000, beyond which sum there shall be no further advance; provided, that each new Mayor or Superintendent, on going into office, shall begin at $50,000.

5. The said Mayor or Superintendent shall be bonded, upon sound and lawful security, in the sum of $1,000,000, and this bond, or a fair and reasonable part of it, shall be forfeited to cover any loss that the city af Baltimore may sustain by reason of his dishonesty or neglect, or by reason of the dishonesty or neglect of any person appointed to office by him, directly or indirectly; provided that in no case of such forfeiture shall the amount forfeited to the city of Baltimore be less then the amount lost by said dishonesty or neglect, plus 50 percentum.

6. The said Mayor or Superintendent shall hold office until he resigns, becomes non compos mentis, joins a political club or association, becomes physically disabled, dies by natural or unnatural means, or is assassinated, provided that it shall be unlawful for him to resign without giving public notice, by proclamation, at least six months in advance; and that in case he violates this section or otherwise refuses to perform his duties, willfully and without just cause, he shall forfeit his office and its emoluments and be confined in the Baltimore City Jail for a period of 10 years, and his successor shall be elected forthwith, as hereinafter provided.

7. If, during the term of office of the said Mayor or Superintendent, he shall be assaulted and done to death by any person at least 45 years of age and qualified to vote for his successor, it shall be a lawful defense for such person to show that the said Mayor or Superintendent was conducting his office to the loss, dishonor or damage of Baltimore City, and the killing of a Mayor or Superintendent, by such person and in such manner, shall be a misdemeanor, and the penalty thereof shall be a fine of not more than $1,000, to be collected as other fines are collected.

8. The said Mayor or Superintendent, on taking the oath of office, shall at once appoint 10 persons of integrity, experience and sound judgment to stand in succession to him during his temporary disability or upon his resignation or death, and he shall designate one of these persons to be first in the order of succession and another second, and so on; and that one among these persons who shall so serve in place of the said Mayor or Superintendent shall receive $100 a day during his actual term of service, but no compensation at any other time.

9. In case of the death, resignation or disability of a Mayor or Superintendent, a new election shall be held on the Tuesday next after the first Monday of the second month following, and at that election a new Mayor or Superintendent shall be elected.

10. At such election the names of all candidates shall appear on the ticket in alphabetical order, with their home addresses, and no political designations or emblems shall appear.

11. Any citizen eligible to the office of Mayor or Superintendent may have his name and address placed upon the said ticket upon written request to the Supervisors of Election for Baltimore city, provided that no such request shall be granted unless it is supported by the written indorsement of at least 1,000 qualified voters.

And be it further enacted, That this act shall take effect from the date of its passage.


I resist the temptation to expound and explain. If the merits of this charter are not plainly written upon its face, then it has no merit at all.


A psychotherapeutist is one who believes that lightning can never strike a man who has just drawn four aces.


The pronouncing dictionary of foreign words and phrases adopted into the American language:

Kopje (Dutch)Kop-gee
Menu (Fr.)Mee-noo
Cafe (Fr.) Kaif
Wurst (Ger.)Worst
Bon jour (Fr.)Bon jow-er
Scherzo (It.)Shirts-so
Cello (It.)Sell-oh
Chauffeur (Fr.)Sho-far
Lingerie (Fr.)Linger-ee
Jabet (Fr.)Jabbot
Coiffure (Fr.)Coy-fure
Bric-a-brac (Fr.)Brick-a-brack
Adieu (Fr.)Ad-doo
Gesundheit (Ger.)Ge-son-tight
Bayreuth (Ger.)Bay-root
Manana (Sp.)Man-nanna
RooRue (Fr.)
Mons. (Fr.)Monts
Mlle. (Fr.)Millie
Decollete (Fr.)De-collty
Bravo (It.)Bray-voh
Vaudeville (Fr.)Vawd-vil

H. L. Mencken